Control Over Profits Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

860 Results for Control Over Profits

View 81 - 90 results for control over profits comic strips. Discover the best "Control Over Profits" comics from Dilbert.com.

App For A Better Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
App For A Better Boss  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #invention, #mind control, #neural interface

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The neural interface is live. His brain is now communicating with his phone. Alice: He's sending me a brain-text. It says "Please help me. My phone has taken control of my body." Dilbert: It worked! Alice: Now we just need to write an app that makes him a better boss.

Neural Link To Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Neural Link To Phone  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mind control, #phone, #technology, #invention, #cognition, #thought

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: When I press this button, your brain will form a neural link to your phone. Boss: Then I can control my phone with my thoughts? Dilbert: No, your phone will control you. Boss: Hey, I didn't agree to... Dilbert: Too late. Narrator: Continued...

Monday

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Monday  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thought, #cognition, #technology, #invention, #computer, #intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a neural interface for computers. Boss: Is that so users can control computers with their thoughts? Dilbert: No, the opposite. Your way would be like a squirrel trying to drive a car.

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Robot Will Crush Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Will Crush Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #boss, #manager, #threat, #artificial intelligence, #control, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

Open Office Plan Failed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Open Office Plan Failed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #change, #mistake, #admission, #hubris

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our transition to an open office plan has been a huge failure. Too many distractions. How can we change back to cubicles and private offices without looking like idiots? Are you listening to me? Boss: Is someone nursing a baby over there?

Dilbert Is Under Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Under Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #budget, #money, #stealing, #embezzlement, #consequences

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.

Delegating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Delegating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workload, #productivity, #progress

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I worked all weekend and finished my project early. Now I don't have all of that stress hanging over me. Feels great! Unless you plan to punish me for my productivity. Boss: I call it delegating.

Robot's Head Explodes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot's Head Explodes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #artificial intelligence, #ai, #free will, #programming, #control

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.