Corporate Vice Presdient Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

159 Results for Corporate Vice Presdient

View 81 - 90 results for corporate vice presdient comic strips. Discover the best "Corporate Vice Presdient" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cooperate with hunt, #17 suspects, #talked to reporter, #email archives, #phone records, #linguistic patterns, #punish all of them

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "I've narrowed the list to seventeen suspects who might have talked to that reporter." The Boss continues, "Now we'll check their e-mail archives, phone records and linguistic patterns until we identify the offender." Catbert says, "And then we can punish all of them just for being on the list." The Boss responds, "I like the way you stink."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corporate witch hunt, #products stink, #diving rod, #liar, #pormise, #honor of family, #holy

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. The Boss asks Alice, "Alice, did you tell a reporter that our producs stink?" Alice responds, "I promise on the honor of my family, and on all that is holy, that I did not." Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a device in his hands. He says, "So I guess you're calling my divining rod a liar."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unpaid vacation, #managers approval, #downsize work, #over staffed, #hug slef, #selfishness, #corporate greed, #nasty corporate men

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and The Boss are meeting. Catbert says, "Let's offer employees unpaid vacation time, as long as their managers approve it." Catbert continues, "Then we'll downsize any work group that uses it, because it proves they're over-staffed." Catbert hugs himself and says, "Excuse me while I hug myself and purr." The Boss replies, "Take your time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cash, #conflicts if interest, #corporate skin, #huge failures, #no red flags, #potential client, #track record

View Transcript

Transcript

A man with hair pointy like antennae approaches The Boss and says, "Hello, potential client. I'm a consultick." The consultick continues, "I'll burrow into your corporate skin, suck your cash and never leave." The consultick continues, "My firm has a track record of huge consulting failures and conflicts of interest!" The Boss thinks, "No red flags."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eat, #headquarters, #misunderstand, #mouth, #need shreded, #shredder

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: all shredders are nbeing centralized at our corporate headquarters. If you need something shredded, give it to ask. Dilbert: dude, I think he meant you would take it to the shredders. Asok: mouth....so...dry

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coproaret social responsibilty, #cut salary, #poor people, #extra money, #hose stock holders, #hurt stock options, #pollute less, #bucket, #river, #sludge out, #coffee, #zesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says to The Boss, "We need to show more corporate responsibility." The Boss replies, "Okay, I'll cut your salary and give the extra money to poor people." Tina says, "I was hoping we could hose the stockholders, not me." The Boss responds, "That would hurt my stock options." He pauses and then asks, "What if we pollute less?" Tina exclaims, "Yes, yes! That's what I'm talking about. We could pollute less!" The Boss says, "Okay, take a bucket to the river and see how much of our sludge you can get out." Tina asks, "Where would I put it?" Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or has the coffee improved?" Wally exclaims, "Zesty!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analyzed, #corporate culture, #findings, #bunch unmotivated, #weasels, #knapsack

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert reports to The Boss, "I've analyzed your corporate culture and put my findings in this report." The Boss reads the report aloud, "The employees are a bunch of unmotivated weasels. I look good in this hat." Dogbert says, "I would have mentioned my knapsack but it's only a summary."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting system, #less transparent, #investors, #bad people, #corrupt corporate culture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, the troll, and Asok are meeting. Dilbert says, "Our assignment is to make our accounting system less transparent." Asok asks, "What?" Dilbert turns to Asok and says, "We don't want investors to know what we're doing." Asok asks, "Are we bad people?" Dilbert responds, "We're good people who have been influenced by a corrupt corporate culture." Asok says, "Oh, okay. Carry on."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demoting to engineer, #job to crony, #real work, #pretend, #working, #one wally

View Transcript

Transcript

The new Senior Vice President says to The Boss, "I'm demoting you to engineer so I can give your current job to one of my cronies." The Boss exclaims, "I won't survive. I don't know how to do real work!" The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, can you teach me how to pretend to be working?" Wally replies, "Whoa! There can only be one Wally."