Cruel Joke Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dilbert hands Dogbert a gas mask and says, "Dogbert, your mission is to tell my co-worker that her perfume is killing us. Wear this gas mask." As Dilbert puts the mask on Dogbert, he says, "Use humor to ease the tension." Dogbert says, "Good idea." Wearing the mask, Dogbert stands in the woman's cubicle and says, "Did you hear the joke about the woman who stank like a hog rendering plant?" The woman says, "Three times today . . ."
Dogbert stands in the cabin of the corporate jet wearing a parachute on his back. He says to the CEO, "It looks like the plane's going down and there's only one parachute." The CEO looks shocked. The CEO grabs the parachute and screams, "Give it to me!!! I'm a CEO with a Harvard MBA. You're a dog!!" Dogbert and the CEO fall through the air wearing packs on their backs. Dogbert says to the CEO, "That's my knapsack." As some fruit and loose paper falls out of the CEO's pack, he says, "Old joke."
The Boss: This cartoon seems to be saying that management decisions are a joke. Cartoons are not allowed on cubicles. It hurst morale, I don't want to see this when I return. The Boss: Ive noticed a real improvement in morale since you removed the cartoon.
Ratbert: A hush comes over the crowd. This would be Ratbert's most difficult dive. Dilbert: I give it a two. Ratbert: The judges were cruel but rather captured the hearts aof the audience , endorsements would follow.
"Liz, I noticed you're not wearing a ring. Would you like to go for a pizza after the game?" "Oh, I do have a ring. It's so big I can't wear it. A team of eunuchs follows me around with it in a special van." "Flop-sweat time." "You're gullible. I like that."
"I was just reading your project status report." "You say the project is delayed 'due to the ongoing bungling of a clueless, pointy-haired individual.'" "Instead of saying 'due to', it would read better as 'facilitated by'."
"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"
Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Remember the time you laughed at your own joke so hard that you inhaled and snorted at the same time?" Dogbert continues, "Then you choked on your own spit, which caused you to lurch over and bonk your head on the coffee table . . ." Dogbert asks, "Who says your life is boring?" Dilbert replies, "I'm ignoring you."
Dogbert walks on the sidewalk. He sees an old woman holding a stick and says, "Mother Nature!" Mother Nature says, "Hi, Dogbert, you little lard bag." Dogbert says, "Geez, Mother Nature, why are you so mean?" Mother Nature replies, "I'm not mean; it's natural. Nature seems cruel but it's really beautiful." Mother Nature continues, "For example, do you see that robin that's singing?" Dogbert says, "Yes?" Mother Nature zaps the bird with her stick. As feathers float down from the tree, Mother Nature says, "He was off-key. Now nature is back in harmony." Dogbert says, "Ha! You're smiling! I knew it. You enjoy being mean!" Dogbert walks down the sidewalk looking disheveled. Clouds of smoke rise from his fur. Dogbert says, "Yet another example where keen perception doesn't pay off."