Die Comic Strips - Page 9
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140 Results for Die
View 81 - 90 results for die comic strips. Discover the best "Die" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 13,
2006
Tags expressing opnion, thousand expressions, the wood chipper
Transcript
"Erk! That look says you want to kill me for expressing my opinion!" "No, no." "Women have a thousand expressions that say they want you to die. That one says she wants you to die of natural causes, preferably soon." Budda budda budda "She calls this one 'The Wood Chipper.'"
Friday December 09,
2005
Tags sourpuss, lemins, choke and die, lemon eater
Transcript
Sourpuss "When life gives you lemons..." "Choke on 'em and die." "You stupid lemon eater."
Wednesday October 26,
2005
Tags grim reaping, field, unpaid overtime cases, see guys die
Transcript
"Someday I hope to get into the grim reaping field." "I don't mind working these unpaid overtime cases, but just once I'd like to see one of you guys die." "Hey, I just realized that my rake is very blunt."
Sunday August 21,
2005
Tags easy news cahnnel, easy to gather, countries want to kill u.s., no phones, two middle aged white guys, they hate us, we are wonderful, buy book
Transcript
"Good evening. This is the Dogbert Easy News Channel." "We bring you all the news that's easy to gather." "Today's top story is about something that was first reported in a newspaper and later read by me." "People in other countries want to kill us. The rest of the article is mostly names I can't pronounce." "We thought about asking them why they want to kill us, but they don't have phones." "So here's the next best thing: a debate between two middle-aged white guys who also don't know why people want to kill us." "They hate us because we are so wonderful." "Buy my book or you will all die!" "Next on Easy News, our panelists wll discuss dumb crooks who keep getting stuck in chimneys." "Excellent."
Sunday June 05,
2005
Tags eagles can't fly
Transcript
"Wally, the status report that you e-mailed me is blank." "That;s because eagles can't type." "What?" "The motivational poster in the break says I should be like an eagle." "The point of that poster is that your spirit should soar like an eagle while you continue to do mundane work." "Wouldn't I die if my spirit left my body to go soar?" "You're confusing your spirit with your soul." "While your spirit is soaring, your sould should remain, trapped in your body, slowly decaying while you create your status report." "Would it change anything if I got a poster that says "you want it when?!!""
Friday February 25,
2005
Tags die die, evil eye, respect, sat down wrong, wedgie
Transcript
Tina: He doesn't respect my work. I can tell by the way he's sitting. "Two can play this game. I will hate you with the fury of a thousand suns!" "Die! Die! Die~" Dilbert: "Rats. I sat down wrong and gave myself a wedgie."
Wednesday January 26,
2005
Monday November 08,
2004
Tags consultation, enbrace idea, frees your mid, profitable products, ultra donut, 40 thousand calories, sharp objects
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: Once you embrace the idea that your customers deserve to die... ...it frees your mind to invent splendidly profitable products. Its called the ultra - donut: forty thousand calories and filled with sharp objects.
Friday August 27,
2004
Tags evil director, himan resources, cheaper, employee wellness program, sick days, incentives, highly paid workers, more fun
Transcript
"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."
Sunday March 14,
2004
Tags day off, gerbil, heartless, horrible person, insensitive, mean, sisters weight, toss in casket, twin sister death
Transcript
Carol: "I need a day off to attend my twin sister's funeral." The Boss: "A whole day? How well did you know her?" Carol: "She.. was.. my... twin." The Boss: "But not identical!" Carol: "How does that matter?" The Boss: "Well, she didn't even look like you." The Boss: "And yet you want a whole day off for a service that takes fifteen minutes." Carol: "Gaa! It would be impossible to be more insensitive!" The Boss: "I'll compromise. My pet gerbil is on his last legs. I'll give you the day off if you toss him in the casket so I don't have to bury him myself." Carol: "When do you think it will die?" The Boss: "Depends. How much does your sister weigh?"


