Doesn't Fly Comic Strips - Page 9

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536 Results for Doesn't Fly

View 81 - 90 results for doesn't fly comic strips. Discover the best "Doesn't Fly" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot's Head Explodes

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Robot's Head Explodes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, artificial intelligence, ai, free will, programming, control

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Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.

Dilbert Characters

Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone

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Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, property, possession, technology

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Tina: Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I dropped mine and broke it. Dilbert: No, I don't like other people touching my phone, or breathing on it, or reading my messages. Tina: You have a lot of issues. Dilbert: Said the person who doesn't use protective phone cases because they are ugly.

Wally Gets Promoted

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Wally Gets Promoted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, management, leadership, laziness, work ethic

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Wally: I got promoted to a leadership role. It means I get to tell people to work hard, but I don't have to do any worm myself. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Wally: I could use a fresh one of these.

Wally Offended Everyone

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Wally Offended Everyone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags offense, offensive, sensitivity, political correctness, politically correct

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Boss: Wally, I"m getting reports that you have offended every single employee in this company in the past week. Wally: Have I offended you? Boss: No, I"m not a sensitive idiot like the rest of them. Wally: Doesn't that mean the problem is on their end? Boss: That doesn't matter as much as you think it should.

Wally Doesn't Open Email

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Wally Doesn't Open Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags aversion, avoiding, communication, email, evasion, excuse, work ethic

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Did you get the file I sent by email? No. If i open email I'll see thirty urgent messages that will ruin my entire day. Can you open it tomorrow? You should try to live in the moment.

Boss Tweets Fake News

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Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, mobile (cell) phones, talk, window

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The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."

Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job

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Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags talking, conversation, boring, annoy, quitting, boredom

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Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.

Boss Doesn't See Email

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Boss Doesn't See Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags space, astronaut, engineering, laziness, bureaucracy, accident

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Boss: The crew of our first spaceship suffocated on the launchpad. Apparently, I got an email last week asking for approval to repair the oxygen generator. Carol: You killed them with your incompetence? Boss: I can't take all the credit. It was a team effort.

Forgot To Go To Pre Meeting Corrected

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Forgot To Go To Pre Meeting Corrected - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, lying, deadline, boss, executive

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CEO: Is the software finished as your boss promised me it would be? Dilbert: I forgot to go to the pre-meeting for this meeting, so I'll guess the answer is.. yes? CEO: Okay, keep up the good work! Dilbert: Thanks goodness he doesn't know what the truth even looks like.

Ceo Fixes His Problem

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Ceo Fixes His Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags product safety, danger, battery, recall, cell phone, samsung, media, Entertainment, technology

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CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.