Dominate Market Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

141 Results for Dominate Market

View 81 - 90 results for dominate market comic strips. Discover the best "Dominate Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market expert, #buy stocks, #fundamentals, #go on tv

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Dogbert is standing on his desk. Dogbert says, "I'd be a good stock market expert." Dogbert continues, "I'd buy stocks and then go on TV and recommend them so they go up." Dilbert asks, "What about the fundamentals?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't get more fundamental than that!"

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart consults, #create a strategy, #increase market share, #change, #valuable advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "It's easy to create a strategy." Dogbert continues, "Write down everything you do, preceded by the phrase, 'increase our market share by...'" The Boss asks, "What if we change what we do?" Dogbert responds, "Call me and I'll sell you some more valuable advice."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job market, #bad job market, #how hard, #unemployed, #leader

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and asks, "How's the ol' job market lately? It's pretty bad, isn't it?" The Boss continues, "So no matter how hard I make you work it's still better than being unemployed." Dilbert turns in surprise. The Boss says, "Who's your leader? Go on, say it." Dilbert puts his head in his hands and replies quietly, "You are."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job market, #getting worse, #employees afraid, #power to abuse, #grows stronger, #evil dance, #killing me

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is reading a newspaper. Catbert is standing on his desk. The Boss says, "The job market is getting worse every day!" Catbert replies, "Excellent!" The Boss chuckles and says, "Employees will be afraid. Our power to abuse them grows stronger by the minute!" Catbert grins widely. Catbert grins and dances. The Boss laughs and exclaims, "Ha ha! Stop doing the 'Evil Dance!' You're killing me!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance, #exceeds expectations, #underachievers, #extra money, #go get money

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice enters The Boss' office and says, "My performance exceeds expectations but my pay is based on market averages." Alice continues, "I figure some underachievers are getting the extra money that I earn." Alice continues, "Give me their names so I can go get my money." The Boss replies, "It's Wally."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #designed product, #gaping hole, #market, #miracle team work, #actual afeatures, #eaten by squirrels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of a complex model. He points on the screen and says, "I designed a product that could fill a gaping hole in the market." Dilbert continues his presentation, pointing to a new slide with two shapes on it, nothing more. He says, "But thanks to the miracle of teamwork it turned into a product with no actual features." The next slide Dilbert points to shows a picture of himself in bed, laughing. He says, "In Phase three I fantasized about my coworkers being eaten by squirrels."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time to market, #benchmark, #two hours, #stole hours, #good mother year

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Alice sit on either side of the Boss. Alice looks crazed and her eyes begin to twitch. The Boss says, "...And incrementally develop time-to-market benchmark framework..." Suddenly, Alice throws her arms up and screams out, "This meeting stole two hours of my life!!!" The Boss looks at her, then asks, "Did that help?" Alice, looking exhausted, replies, "Yeah, I'm good for another hour."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #therapy session, #everyone is lying, #stock market, #congress, #boss, #therapy, #scientifically proven, #money, #psychology, #Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It feel like everyone in the world is lying to me. Congress is lying about the budget. Stock analysts are lying about their recommendations, My boss is lying, This therapy stuff us scientifically proven to work, right? Therapist Its 100% effective.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tight labor market, #complicated tasks, #harder jobs, #dumb employees

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is pointing to a graphic of a person being squeezed in a vise. Dilbert says, "Due to a tight labor market and increasingly complicated tasks.." Dilbert continues, "Harder and harder jobs will be staffed with dumber and dumber employees until the logical limit:" As a table to zombie like employees stare, Dilbert says, "This meeting."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clear mind, #thoughts, #forward basis, #market space, #done practicing

View Transcript

Transcript

As Dilbert knocks at his door, The Boss thinks, "I must clear my mind of all thoughts." The Boss says, "At the end of the day we'll be in a market space on a going forward basis." The Boss says, "Om... Om... Page..." Dilbert says, "I'll come back when you're done practicing being useless."