Doubling Rate Of Failure Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for doubling rate of failure comic strips. Discover the best "Doubling Rate Of Failure" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworker, #thinking, #sitting, #computer, #depressed, #technology

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Dilbert thinks, "As usual, my coworkers have filled in every space on my outlook calendar." Dilbert says, "Now I am only a puppet hurdling toward failure." Man says, "Hey there, dailure puppet!" Dilbert thinks, "I hoped it wasn't so obvious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #budget, #fixing, #failure

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The boss says, "We can only afford to fix the high-priority bugs." Dilbert says, "If we don't fix 100% of the bugs, the software will be 100% useless." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to fail?" The boss says, "More slowly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plans, #meeting, #leadership, #failure, #ridiculous, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll execute our strategy in the usual way." Dogbert says, "The powerful will delegate to the untalented until failure is achieved." The boss says, "How long will that take?" Dogbert says, "We just finished."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #confessing, #excuses, #angry

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Wally says, "I couldn't do any work this week because my project doesn't have a charge code." Wally says, "The chargeback group won't answer my e-mails, and our ethics rules forbid me from using a false code." Wally says, "It's another failure of management, but I know you can do better next week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #plan, #lying, #marketing, #screaming, #guilt, #business

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The boss says, "In phase one, we'll tell our customer that the system failure won't happen again." Not us! The boss says, "In phase two, when it happens again, we'll act surprised." The boss says, "Then we'll say a software patch is being installed." Asok the intern says, "Gaaa!!! We're bad people!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #budget, #deadline, #resources, #ridiculous

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Dilbert says, "I'll never be able to finish my project on time." The Boss says, "You need to take ownership." Dilbert says, "Can I hire more programmers?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Can I reduce the number of features?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "So...I'm just taking ownership of the failure?" The Boss says, "Don't be greedy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #lose my job, #rate service superiro, #service, #successful man, #survey, #loose job, #loose wife, #business

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Mordac: You will get a survey asking you how satisfied you were with my service today. If you don't rate my service superior in all categories, I will lose my jobs and my wife will leave me for a more successful man. Dilbert: Is she cute? Mordac: Why do you ask?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #root cause, #projects failure, #determinist, #origin of universe, #cubicle destroyed, #free will

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The Boss says, "Does anyone know the root cause of our project's failure?" Dilbert says, "I'm a determinist, so I'd have to say the problem goes back to the origin of the universe." The Boss says, "Why are you like this?" Dilbert says, "My cubicle destroyed my illusion of free will."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #inflation rate, #billion percent, #potato, #philmsk, #bardley

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The news says, "The inflation rate in Elbonia climbed to a billion percent." An Elbonian says, "Quickly hand me the potato and I'll tell my cousin in Phlimsk to let go of the other end of my money." Another Elbonian says, "Make it snappy." The first Elbonian says, "Bradley! I have the potato!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hold hand, #project, #work independently, #trap, #failure or insubordination, #hidden camera shows, #joke on me

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The Boss says, "Asok, I won't have time to hold your hand on this project." The Boss says, "You need to work independently." The Boss says, "And by that I mean you should imagine what I would tell you to do, then do it." Asok says, "But... I can only imagine you telling me stupid things." Asok says, "Holy Shiva! This is a trap!" Asok says, "My choices are failure or insubordination." Asok says, "My only hope is that I'm in one of those hidden camera shows and this is all a big joke on me." Dilbert says, "Find anything?" Asok says, "Can't... stop... looking."