Engineer Skills Comic Strips - Page 9
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View 81 - 90 results for engineer skills comic strips. Discover the best "Engineer Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert: Can you show me how to set up temporary credentials for our web services? Alice: Only if you are prepared for your ritual shaming. Dilbert: Yes, always. Alice: Okay, here it goes. What kind of engineer doesn't know how to set up temporary credentials? Ha ha ha ha! I will tell this story for years! Hey, everyone! Guess what Dilbert doesn't know! That should be enough to poison your well of credibility. Dilbert: This isn't a healthy place. Alice: Then why do I feel so alive?
Boss: Ted, I'm moving you to a newly formed strategic engineering group. Ted; Are you putting all of your worst employees in one group so you can later eliminate the function and avoid firing each person individually? Boss: You picked a bad time to to become insightful.
Boss: Experts say you should format your presentation like a "Hero's Journey." Presentation: Eventually, the plucky engineer finished his PowerPoint slides despite interference from a pointy-haired monster. Boss: Experts never warn you about that part.
Behold my greatness! I was na engineer at google before I evolved to pure energy! Behold my path that will suck the energy out of you like a monkey on an orange. Good bot, Right in the cup.
Boss; I hired an engineer from Google. He's so smart that he evolved into a life-form that exists as pure energy. Engineer: Bow before my greatness, you pitiful humans! Boss: Sometimes he's a bit arrogant. Engineer: I once added a feature to gmail!
Dilbert: Hi. I'm an engineer. That means I have excellent employment potential and I can fix things around the house. Woman: How are your social skills? Dilbert: Wow. Look who wants the moon.
Salesman vs. Engineer Dilbert: Can you offer us a discount? Salesman: I had something like that in mind, except instead of giving a discount, I would hit you with a chair and run away. Dilbert: Please don't do that. Salesman: Okay, but I'll have to charge you extra.
Boss: You failed the online ethics course for the third time. You can't be an engineer for this company if you have no grasp of business ethics. You leave me no choice. I'm putting you on the management fast track. Wally: Huh.
Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar
Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.
Boss: A goo manager leads by example. How does it help an engineer to see an example of how to be a middle manager? Dilbert: That's like teaching physics by showing examples of monster truck rallies. Alice: Should we say dumb things, too, or have you not started leading by example yet? Wally: Now what is he doing/ Are we supposed to do that? Dilbert: I think he's leading by example now! Boss: I'm starting to wonder if everything I read on the Internet is wrong.