Fill In Name Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dilbert: I got kicked out of a North Elbonian labor camp for working too hard. It was the first time I had ever experienced meaningful work and I got carried away. Boss: And your name is...? Dilbert: Seriously? I was gone for one week!
Dilbert: I found a backdoor into NASA's asteroid tracking satellite. I see that a big one is heading directly toward... Gaaaa!!! Dogbert: What? What? Dilbert: I must fill my final days with love. Dogbert: You ruined my ears, jerk!
Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.
CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...
Boss: When I asked you to manage my Twitter account I assumed you knew I was expecting inspirational tweets. So far, all you've tweeted under my name are racist rants, misspelled jokes, and links to terrorist websites. Carol: To be fair, every one of those tweets was inspirational to someone.
Boss: Carol, create a Twitter account under my name and send out witty tweets every day. Carol: Buwhahahaha! I hold in my hands the power to destroy your career and your reputation! Boss: Every now and then I question my strategy of abusing my employees for personal gain.
Boss: We need to foster more of a start-up culture to drive innovation. Dilbert: So we get to dress casually, work flex hours, feel that our work is valued, and get equity in the company. Boss: What would be the name of a culture where people work hard but don't get any of those things you just mentioned.
Boss: I need a second opinion on a job applicant. His name is J.B. Hopper. He dresses in a bunny costume and he's had seventeen jobs in two years. Catbert: Are there any red flags? Boss: I can't tell if he's passionate or if he has rage issues.
Asok: This is my new intern. I haven't bothered to name him yet. I've been treated poorly as an intern, and I'm anxious to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Man: I have a name! Carol: He's feisty. I like that.
Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!