Financial Reports Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

122 Results for Financial Reports

View 81 - 90 results for financial reports comic strips. Discover the best "Financial Reports" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gap analysis, #honest, #two pointy hairs, #for department

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Wally: "I want you to perform a Gap Analysis for our department." He continues: "Be completely honest." Later, Wally reports: "The Gap is located between two pointy tufts of hair that move about the office."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #many tasks, #better, #never born, #technically true, #slap later

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok reports at a meeting: "I performed many tasks, but I can not claim any accomplishments." He continues: "Because things might have turned out better had I never been born." He turns to Dilbert: "Technically, it's true." Dilbert tells Asok: "Remind me to slap you later."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo selling stock, #portfolio, #routine diversification, #sell, #sudden panic, #employees, #boss, #ceo, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Studying company financial information at his terminal, Dilbert exclaims: "Yikes! Our CEO is selling his stock!" At the Boss's office, the Boss reassures Dilbert: "Don't worry. It's routine diversification of his portfolio." Dilbert says: "Oh...I guess that's okay." Meanwhile the Boss stares at his computer screen and furiously works the keyboard as he thinks to himself: "Sell, sell, sell."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart investments, #1% annual fee, #invest money, #certified financial planner, #make money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert investments: Dogbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Dogbert says to the boss: "For a 1% annual fee I will invest your money with a certified financial planner." Dogbert says: "He'll charge 1% per year to put your money in mutual funds that charge 1% per year." The boss asks: "Will I make any money?" Dogbert answers: " I don't see you doing any of the work."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #financial sunsidary, #million victims, #first year, #cross selling, #bayonet the survivors

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is sitting in a meeting between Wally and Dogbert and he says: "Mister Dogbert will be CEO of our financial subsidiary." Dogbert says: "My goal is one million victims in the first year." Dogbert says: "Then I'll do some cross-selling, which I prefer to call "bayonetting the survivors."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two more people, #enough direct reports, #vice president title, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss reads a memo and thinks, "If I eliminate the training budget, I can afford to hire two more people." The Boss smirks, and thinks, "Then I'll have enough direct reports to get a vice president title." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Shouldn't we have a strategy?" The Boss says, "I have one. Thanks for asking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workplace crimes, #crimes before, #copycat, #goodness

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally reads at a desk, Dilbert listens. Wally says, "Our company newsletter has reports of bizarre work-place crimes." Wally reads, "I've never thought of these crimes before, but now I have the urge to be a copycat." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "Thank goodness my parents raised me to be lazy." Dilbert says, "They were very wise."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #old binders, #landfill, #fedex, #marketing, #look expose reports, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok stands with a box behind Wally who sits at his computer. Asok says, "Wally, what is the quickest way to send this old binders to the landfill?" Wally says, "I usually use "Fedex". Charge it to marketing; they never look at their expense reports" Asok walks away and thinks, "here's one more thing I can never tell anyone about my job."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial model, #original spreadsheet, #developing strategy, #pay base, #tax rate

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss gives Wally and Dilbert a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I did some financial modeling on my own." Wally says, "But you didn't know any of the assumptions that went into the original spread sheet." The Boss says, "That didn't stop me from developing a strategy." Dilbert says, "Our pay is based on the tax rate now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complex financial model, #lindbergh, #inventing light bulb, #boss is dumb

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert holds a diskette in front of his boss. Dilbert says, "I created a complex financial model for our company." The Boss says, "Let's see." Dilbert says, "It's dangerous if you don't understand it." The Boss says, "That's what they told Lindbergh.." The Boss says, "But that didn't stop him from inventing the lightbulb."