Help Comic Strips - Page 9
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424 Results for Help
View 81 - 90 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 19,
2016
Catbert Will Not Help Children
Tags reasoning, judgment, company policy, rules, regulations, rigid, stringent, inflexible
Transcript
Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.
Monday January 04,
2016
Boss Offers To Help
Tags deadline, help, manager, incompetent, obliviousness, extension
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't get everything done by the deadline. Boss: I'll stop by later to help. Dilbert: That's funny. Boss: What's funny? Dilbert: Using incompetence as a substitute for time.
Saturday September 12,
2015
Writing Code In Spare Time
Wednesday August 26,
2015
Boss Survives Fall From Bridge
Friday July 31,
2015
Ceo Wants To Fire Dilbert
Tags laziness, firing, fired, termination, identity, fake identity, alias, nom de guerre, deception
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO ordered me to fire you for embarrassing him at a meeting But that would be inconvenient for me. So... I'm going to call you Carlos from now on. And it would help if you grew a beard and walked with a limp.
Wednesday July 29,
2015
What Advice Is
Tags help, gratitude, misanthrope, misanthropic, misanthropy, Advice
Transcript
Coworker: Want some advice? Dilbert: Why? Can your ignorance and poor communication skills solve my uncertainty? Coworker: You never know until you try. Dilbert: Sometimes you know!
Monday July 13,
2015
Buy One Elbonian
Tags slave, slaves, slavery, owner, obliviousness, nuance, help, maid, maids, servant, servants, semantics
Transcript
Alice: I hear you're a slave owner now. CEO: That is unfair. I buy a few Elbonians on the Internet and suddenly I'm the "slave owner" guy. Alice: You are literally an owner of slaves. CEO: I prefer to think of them as bad negotiators.
Saturday July 11,
2015
Ceo Is Slave Owner
Tags slave, slaves, slavery, buying, pay, wages, housework, house servant, maid, maids, help, money
Transcript
Wally: I hear you're a slave owner now. CEO: No, nothing like that. All I did was buy some Elbonians on the Internet. Wally: Do they clean your house without pay? CEO: I assume they're a tidy people.
Friday July 03,
2015
Dilbert Chooses Life
Tags off the grid, emergency, hiding, help, cell phone, service, connection, nature, allergy, reaction, decision, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: My hiding strategy of going off the grid was working until I ate that berry. If I call for help, the government will find me. If I don't I will die. I choose life! Phone: No service.
Thursday June 25,
2015
Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack
Tags technology, hacker, hacking, cyber attack, government secret, advancement, app
Transcript
Boss: I'm loaning you to the government to help stop the worst cyber attack our country has seen. Dilbert: I wrote an app for that. Okay... done. Are we good? G-Man: It's a gray area. I might need to kill you and steal the app.

