Help Destroy Planet Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

513 Results for Help Destroy Planet

View 81 - 90 results for help destroy planet comic strips. Discover the best "Help Destroy Planet" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags safety, product, pr, public relations, battery, samsung, explosion, danger

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We hired The Dogbert Public Relations Firm to help us with our exploding phone problem. Dogbert: We have two choices. We can either recall all of the phones, or we can convince people that having one ear is cool. Boss: Recalls are expensive. Dogbert: Okay, the Van Gogh strategy it is.

Don't Escalate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Don't Escalate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, laziness, challenge, help

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need to escalate an issue to you. Boss: No. Get it away from me. I don't like issues. Especially the hard ones. Dilbert: Thank you for all the nothing. Boss: Shoo! Go!

Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conscience, technology, morals, morality, guidance, Religion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented an artificial soul to help non-believers act morally. It's a small drone that follows you around and reminds you not to be a jerk. Wally: Did it forget to remind you today? Dilbert: My drone says I shouldn't slap you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypothetical, worst-case scenario, pessimism, nightmare

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.

Trust Your First Instinct

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trust Your First Instinct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, bribery, laziness, work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.

Bribing Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bribing Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, morals, laziness, work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?

Boss Buys Software Without Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Buys Software Without Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad advice, Advice, sales, lying, deception, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I bought new software for our network. Dilbert: Who helped you on the technical side? Boss: The vendor. He said our current software uses the wrong kind of electricity.

Asok Learns To Rank Priorities

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Learns To Rank Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags priorities, Advice, hate, misanthrope, misanthropy, organization

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm overworked because I don't know how to set priorities. Alice: Try ranking your tasks by how much you hate the people who asked for your help. Asok: What if I don't hate anyone? Alice: That problem solves itself over time.

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, assistance, sayings, adage, divine intervention, laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Can you get me that data by Friday? Wally: They say "God helps those who help themselves." Man: So... you won't help? Wally: I'm waiting for you to go first. Man: And then you'll help? Wally: No, the order is you, then God, then me.

Drone Defense System

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Drone Defense System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags drone, help, rescue, inept, failure, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The government asked us to design a system to stop drone attacks on the homeland. The future of civilization is in our hands. Wally: I'm gonna miss civilization.