Heres Resume Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for heres resume comic strips. Discover the best "Heres Resume" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2006's comic on:


Tags #manager, #mp3, #obliviousness, #outsourcing, #product, #quality, #trade off, #elbonian factory, #mp3 player

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"Here's our prototype from the Elbonian factory." "Well, I'm no expert, but this is obviously a good one of these." "It's an mp3 player." "We used to call them plumber's helpers!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2006's comic on:


Tags #hard drive, #too much smut, #film clips, #poor lighting, #move to external, #server, #disabled firewall

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"Alice, my laptop is slowing down. Can you take a look at it?" "Here's the problem. There's too much smut on your hard drive." "I recommend deleting the film clips that have poor lighting." "And here's a whole category that you haven't looked at in weeks." "I'll move those to an external drive in case you need 'em later." "Wally has all this stuff on the server. You don't need it on your laptop." "What the...? You pinhead! You disabled your firewall!" "If you work here long enough, your outrage ends up in all of the wrong places." "Who moved my stapler?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2006's comic on:


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Your resume looks great. I see no reason you wouldn't be an excellent phone center employee. "Mwab blah glob wobmah tob muh wah wah." "This job got a lot less stressful once I realized I hate our customers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2006's comic on:


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Here's your coffee. Maybe the wizard can give you some ambition. "Aaah..." "Aren't you afraid that the wicked witch will send her winged cat after us?" "Say what?" "I need headcount for my project. Bring them to me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2005's comic on:


Tags #resume, #teds, #shard printer, #people pleaser, #disloyal

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"Is that your resume?" "It's Ted's." "When the pointy-haired boss walks toward the shared printer, I print ten copies." "It turns out that I'm not a people pleaser." "Disloyal #!@*!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2005's comic on:


Tags #intermediate species, #hominid, #oyster, #light sensitive blob, #serious pearl

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"Your resume says you're some kind of intermediary species." "That's right." "I'm halfway between hominid and oyster. Someday I hope my light-sensitive blob will become an eye!" "I don't think we can use you." "Oh, man, you're giving me a serious pearl."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2005's comic on:


Tags #career criminal, #appkying, #job, #tendonitis, #pistol whipping arm, #slower paced, #lifel, #embezzle, #job security, #business

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Your resume says you're a career criminal. "Yup." "Um...why are you applying for a job here?" "I'm getting tendonitis in my pistol-whipping arm." "I thought I'd try the slower paced life of white collar crime." "Security." "How much can I expect to embezzle in my first year?" "Earl?" "Lefty!" "Forget this job. Security is where the big money is." "Can you get me in?" "I should start locking my desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #negative commentray, #blog, #fire, #freedom of speech, #our founding fathers, #spitting on graves, #not good work, #final paycheck

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"Ted, you've been saying negative things about the company in your personal blog. We have to fire you." "I have freedom of speech. It's my constitutional right to say whatever I want." "If you fire me for my opinions, you'll be spitting on the graves of our founding fathers." "I'll get the best lawyer that money can't buy, and fight you all the way to the Supreme Court!" "The only way you can legally fire me is if my work isn't good." "Ooh. I probably said too much here." "Your work isn't good. Here's your final paycheck." "Stupid founding fathers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2005's comic on:


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Here's a list of gifts I received on National Boss Day. "Sort them by dollar value and assign annual raises based on who gave the most." "Now I regret the Sculpture-o-Gum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #easy news cahnnel, #easy to gather, #countries want to kill u.s., #no phones, #two middle aged white guys, #they hate us, #we are wonderful, #buy book

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"Good evening. This is the Dogbert Easy News Channel." "We bring you all the news that's easy to gather." "Today's top story is about something that was first reported in a newspaper and later read by me." "People in other countries want to kill us. The rest of the article is mostly names I can't pronounce." "We thought about asking them why they want to kill us, but they don't have phones." "So here's the next best thing: a debate between two middle-aged white guys who also don't know why people want to kill us." "They hate us because we are so wonderful." "Buy my book or you will all die!" "Next on Easy News, our panelists wll discuss dumb crooks who keep getting stuck in chimneys." "Excellent."