Hold Papers Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

202 Results for Hold Papers

View 81 - 90 results for hold papers comic strips. Discover the best "Hold Papers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drunken lemur, #written by, #project plan, #other drunken lemurs, #lemur analogies

View Transcript

Transcript

I need your honest opinion about my project plan. Don't hold back. "Your plan looks like it was written by a drunken lemur as a practical joke on other drunken lemurs." "Today I learned that people don't like drunken lemur analogies."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview candidate, #isn't too old, #illegal ask, #telltale signs, #explosive ear hair

View Transcript

Transcript

Interview this candidate and make sure he isn't too old. "It's illegal to ask his age." "Just stall until you see the telltale signs of E.E.H.G." "E.E.H.G.?" "Explosive ear hair growth." "Hmm. No wrinkles. But maybe he uses moisturizers and stays out of the sun." "Wait...wait..." "Can't...hold out any...longer." "GAAA!!! Look away! Look away!" "Ha!" "Then I waited and waited...What?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buiness stragey, #list, #past years, #no afraid of change, #deserve bonus, #generous, #good looking, #rhetorical question

View Transcript

Transcript

Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wake up call, #^am, #bellmen, #head of bed, #blind maids, #pants, #manager, #five star hotel

View Transcript

Transcript

Five-Star Hotel The Boss: "I'd like a wake-up call at 6 a.m. and a second one at 6:15." "Then I'd like a team of bellmen to lift the head of the bed while blind maids hold my pants so I can slide into them." "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a manager."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #cable compnay, #new glasses, #couch, #couch tech support

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert works for the cable company "If your picture is fuzzy then get new glasses." "If my glasses are theproblem, why does the couch look perfectly clear?" "Good question. Please hold while I transfer your to couch tech support."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock guy, #conflicts of interest, #knocked out, #fist down throat, #violence, #crime

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I didn't like the way he was looking at me. The Boss: "This isn't good." "He was the only stock analyst who had a "buy" recommendation on our company." Alice: "I think we're a "hold" now." The Boss: "Where will we find another one with so much conflict of interest??!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #break even, #kudos, #motion sensors, #break room, #calculate energy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Kudos to Ted for his suggestion to put motion sensors on the lights in the break room. Dilbert: Hold it! I calculate that the energy savings are offset by the lost productivity of the meeting. The Boss: We have to burn the plaque for heat just to break even.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enterprise software, #premium package, #friendly user, #economy option, #cheap one, #never had girlfreind, #adult website, #romantic invitations, #100 percent

View Transcript

Transcript

Our enterprise software comes in two flavors. The premium package boats a friendly user interface. The economy option does the same stuff but the interface is designed to ruin your life. we'll take the cheap one. I can tell by the ay you hold the mouse that you've never had a girlfriend. I'll send romantic invitations to al the pope on the email address list. Dont worry - i"lll us etc text that I would on a great adult website. when I said that you need to give a hundred percent I shut have been more specific.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #credit reporting company, #data, #death, #debilitating, #health problems, #low cost provider, #ruined lives, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lost id badge, #security offcie, #sneak, #angel with bacon, #looks around

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I lost my ID besiege. Security: Report to the security office and get a new one. Hold it where do you think you're going? Dilbert: To the security office? Security: No one is allowed past this desk with out an ID badge. Dilbert: Okay....how do I go to the security office if I can't go to the security office? Security: Good question. I guess you'll have to steal past me. Dilbert: Look over there! Its an angel and she's giving away free bacon! Security: well well It seems Ive found a worthy adversary.