House Keeping Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

211 Results for House Keeping

View 81 - 90 results for house keeping comic strips. Discover the best "House Keeping" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competitive strategies seminar, #house keeping, #energency, #stay seated, #no mens room

View Transcript

Transcript

"Welcome to the competitive strategies seminar." "First, some housekeeping. In the event of an emergency, stay seated so I'll have a clear path to the exit." "And... there is no men's room in the building as far as you know."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dimwitted twins, #free long distance, #low cost video phones

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "My plan is to sell low-cost video-phones to dimwitted identical twins." Dogbert continues, "I'll even throw in free long-distance calling because that's the kind of guy I am." A man looks into a mirror and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! What are you doing at my girlfriend's house????"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #have mail, #twelve years, #glistens, #envelope, #happy, #awed

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert are in the mail room. Wally says, "I have mail! I've never had mail in twelve years here." Wally continues, "It's not addressed to me but it was in my box so I'm keeping it." Dilbert asks, "No mail for twelve years?" Wally responds, "If I hold it just right it glistens."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #water company, #pipe water, #toothpaste, #turn faucet, #pudding, #meteor

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "If the water company can pipe water to my house, why can't the toothpaste company do the same?" The Boss continues, "The toothpaste factory should have a pipe to every home so you can turn a faucet..." The Boss continues, "And don't even get me started about pudding." Dilbert hits his fists together and thinks, "Meteor, meteor, meteor, meteor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonians, #classified ad, #nuclear war head, #russian craftsmanship, #third world countries, #slingshot, #hundred yards

View Transcript

Transcript

Two Elbonians show up at Dilbert's house door. Dogbert opens. An Elbonian says, "We saw your classified ad for a nuclear warhead." Dogbert says, "It's genuine Russian craftsmanship, ideal for menacing other third-world countries." An Elbonian responds, "Sweet." An Elbonian holds the warhead and says, "Our slingshot can fling this a hundred yards. Is that enough?" Dogbert looks at their briefcase full of money and says, "That's plenty."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need to know, #basis, #crawl space, #underhouse, #news, #don't believe news, #fake news

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting on his couch. Dogbert approaches and says, "I'm putting you on a strict 'need to know' basis." Dogbert continues, "And stay out of the crawl space under the house." Dogbert continues, "And don't believe anything you see in the news for about six months."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #chosen to design, #worlds safest nuclear plant, #great assignment, #safe, #not near my house

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, you have been chosen to design the world's safest nuclear power plant." Dilbert replies, "This is the greatest assignment that any engineer could hope for. I'm flattered by the trust you have in me." The Boss responds, "By 'safe' I mean 'not near my house.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new house, #next week, #heavy objects, #help, #cares about career, #professional companies exist, #move things, #wonderful system, #mobile home, #trailer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm moving to a new house next week." The Boss continues, "I have lots of heavy objects that need to be moved." The Boss continues, "I wonder who will help me." The Boss continues, "Maybe it will be someone who cares about his career." Dilbert turns and asks, "Did you know that professional moving companies exist?" Dilbert continues, "It's true. You give them money and they move your heavy things." Dilbert continues, "It's a wonderful system. You should look into it." The Boss says to Carol, "And maybe you can bring your trailer." Carol exclaims, "It's a mobile home!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use my raise, #move from home, #handicapped stall, #storage facility, #house warming, #gift, #flashlight, #hesitate, #call alice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, and Asok are eating lunch. Asok says, "I plan to use my raise to move my home in the handicapped stall to a storage facility." Asok continues, "If you are trying to think of a housewarming gift, I wouldn't say no to a flashlight." Wally says, "If you need help moving, don't hesitate to call Alice." Asok replies, "You are too kind."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market expert, #buy stock, #sell house, #track record, #one week chart, #buy buy

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"