Hurting Productivity Comic Strips - Page 9
104 Results for Hurting Productivity
View 81 - 90 results for hurting productivity comic strips. Discover the best "Hurting Productivity" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share January 19, 1997's comic on:
The caption says, "Office obstacle course." Dilbert walks down the hall. He sees another man and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Phil. I never returned his call. Walk faster." Dilbert runs into the elevator as the doors close. He thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert peers around a corner and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's an unpleasant co-worker who wants to be my friend." Dilbert walks behind Wally and a woman and thinks, "The clever engineer blends with the herd to avoid detection." Dilbert stands by Alice's desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, I owe Alice some information." Alice's phone rings. As Alice answers the phone, Dilbert runs by her desk and thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "There's only one more obstacle between me and blissful productivity." The Boss comes around the corner. Dilbert runs into the Boss and shouts, "My whole day is ruined!!!" The Boss says, "It looks like you need a one-on-one coaching session."
Share January 14, 1996's comic on:
Wally follows the Boss and says, "We need to have a little talk . . ." Wally continues, "You told me to finish my project in a week but it's taken two months." Wally continues, "This doesn't look good for your ability to estimate resource requirements." The Boss sits at his desk. Wally continues, "Frankly, it's not much of an endorsement of your leadership either. I was uninspired the whole time." Wally continues, "And don't even get me started about your incompetence at budgeting. I spent WAY more than you predicted!" Wally pretends to strangle himself as he says, "Your incessant demands for status reports were like a rope that strangled my productivity!" Wally continues, "Bottom line, your performance did NOT meet my expectations." Wally's clothes are disheveled and his glasses are bent, Dilbert says, "So, Wally, do you still think the best defense is a good offense?" Wally replies, "It seemed like such a good idea."
Share January 07, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Why do I have a feeling of impending doom?" The Boss peeks into Dilbert's cubicle. The Boss says, "Good news!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss says, "You won't have to spend another lonely day in this tiny cubicle." Dilbert asks, "I'm getting an office?" The Boss replies, "Better! You're getting a roommate!" Dilbert shouts, "Why??? We've got plenty of empty cubicles! Our company owns the whole building!" The Boss says, "The finance department charges my budget for the square footage we use." Dilbert looks over the cubicle wall and says to the Boss, "It's a false savings! You're hurting the company!" The Boss walks away thinking, "All I hear is a faint buzzing." Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Oh, well. How bad could it be?" A man wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a can of beans and a radio says, "I hope you like baked beans and square-dancing as much as I do!"
Share September 28, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally peers into Dilbert's cubicle and yells, "Alice is sitting in for the boss!" Dilbert stands up, raises both hands in the air and shouts, "Productivity at last!!!" Wally yells, "Efficiency! Yes!!" Inside the cubicle, Wally says, "As long as she doesn't get an attitude . . ." Alice stands outside the cubicle with a crown on her head and a wand in her hand. Someone is bowing in front of her.
Share September 15, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert hands his timesheet to a secretary and says, "Here's my timesheet, filled out in increments of fifteen minutes." Dilbert says, "As usual, I coded the useless hours spent in meetings as 'work,' whereas the time I spent in the shower designing circuits in my mind as 'non-work.'" Dilbert continues, "Interestingly, even the time I spend complaining about my lack of productivity is considered 'work.'" The secretary thinks, "I hate my life."
Share September 03, 1995's comic on:
Tags #laptop, #freezing up, #telecommuting, #distracted at home, #virtual cubcile, #invisible walls, #cone of prodcutivity, #dedicated, #cone, #focused, #corporate vision, #firm commitment, #work at hime, #victory
Dilbert sits at his desk in his bathrobe. Dogbert says, "My laptop PC keeps freezing up. Come take a look at it." Dilbert replies, "I'm telecommuting, Dogbert. I can't be distracted by home projects." Dilbert says, "Don't come another step closer. This is my virtual cubicle, within which I can not be disturbed." Dilbert spreads his arms and continues, "These invisible walls form a cone of productivity around me." Dilbert continues, "Within this zone I am a dedicated employee, totally focused on the corporate vision." Dilbert continues, "Nothing can distract me from my firm commitment to the work-at-home principle." Dogbert says, "Fine. I think I'll set the couch on fire." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table working on a laptop. Dogbert says, "Another victory for the distractor!" Dilbert says, "I swear, someday principle will win!"
Share June 17, 1995's comic on:
The Boss looks into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I see signs of productivity here. I'm moving you to another cubicle." The Boss continues, "Your phone and computer will be disconnected for weeks. Your files will be boxed and lost." Dilbert's hair stands on end as he says, "Good Lord, you've abandoned all pretense of being on our side!!" The Boss responds, "Loser."
Share March 17, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at the Boss's desk. Dilbert and Alice stand in front of him. Dilbert says, "The rumors are destroying our productivity. We can't work with all this uncertainty." Dogbert answers, "I plan to buy proven technology and hire contract employees. You'll be gophers for the contractors until you resign in disgust and humiliation." Dilbert and Alice look scared. Dilbert asks, "Is there any way to get back to uncertainty?" Dogbert answers, "I'll see what I can do."
Share March 03, 1995's comic on:
The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.
Share August 07, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "Laurie's our new engineer. Show her the ropes, Dilbert." "I meant figuratively." Dilbert: "This is your anti-productivity pod." "It's equipped with a little device that rings anytime you try to concentrate." "The top is open so none of the background noise is inadvertently muffled." "And you're on the main aisle, so you'll be haunted every minute by footsteps behind you. Step...step...step." The Boss: "We need to talk."