Idiot Comic Strips - Page 9
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Character
136 Results for Idiot
View 81 - 90 results for idiot comic strips. Discover the best "Idiot" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 18,
2008
Tags workplace rumours, idiot, false rumor, charging for rumors
Transcript
Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."
Sunday May 18,
2008
Tags discriminating, genetic reason, idiot, intolerance, turned down for raise, maximum raise, learning problem, desparation, money
Transcript
The Boss: Alice, I can't give you the maximum raise because you don't respect other people's differences. Alice says, Why are you discriminating against me for my intolerance? If I am intolerant for some genetic reason, then I can't help it. Alice says, "And if I'm intolerant because I can't learn to be otherwise, then obviously I have a learning problem. Alice says, "Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not acceptable for me to notice it? You need to start appreciating me for my intolerance! Alice says, And while I'm at it, allow my to mention that a monkeys seat cushion has better views than what I'm looking at right now. The Boss says, "I'm not quite sure where to go with this." Alice says, "Ooh! Oooh! I have a suggestion."
Friday April 11,
2008
Tags advice to intern, don't finish on deadline, freedom, overworked, less time, nitpick
Transcript
wally: Heed my advice, young Asok. Only an idiot finishes a project before the deadline. The less time you give people to nitpick. The more time you have to pretend you are overworked." Freedom is just another word for people finding out you're useless.
Sunday February 17,
2008
Tags argument, assignment, boss, cubicle, less is more, more is less, not interchangable, wrong pharsing
Transcript
The Boss: Here's your assignment. Do it! Do it! Do it, you idiot!" Dilbert: What kind of management is that? The Boss: That's called tough love. Dilbert: Tough love only makes sense if I am doing something wrong and refuse to change. The Boss: Well, sometimes more is less. Dilbert: The saying it 'less is more,' not 'more is less. The Boss: If less equals more, then more must equal less. Duh. "This is the part where you usually refuse to admit you are wrong."
Tuesday December 04,
2007
Tags private moon shuttle, 3 months, doom inevitable, scapegoat, blame, project, never getting finsihed
Transcript
Dilbert: "My company wants me to design a private moon shuttle in three months. Doom is inevitable." Dogbert: "What you need is a scapegoat to blame for the project never getting finished. I'll send one over." Dilbert: "I was almost done, and then this idiot comes along."
Sunday November 25,
2007
Tags boss, worker, office, wrong path, precise verbal explanation, embarrassment of undoing, good plan, progress, mistreatment of workers, corrupt policices, bad boss
Transcript
The Boss: "Dilbert, I need you to do something, but I don't have time to fully explain it." "I'll give you just enough information to send you down the wrong path." "Later, after you do it wrong. I'll treat you like you're some sort of idiot." "Then I'll put you through the embarrassment of undoing everything you did." "This might not sound like a good plan to you." "But it takes the task off of my plate and puts it on yours." "That's called progress." Dilbert: "Today I helped make progress." Garbageman: "Better luck tomorrow."
Saturday October 27,
2007
Tags Advice, roll my eyes, sigh deeply, dismiss, village idiot
Transcript
"Do you mind if I give you some advice?" Dilbert: "Not at all." "Do you mind if I roll my eyes, sigh deeply, and dismiss your advice as if it came from the village idiot?" "I might mind." Dilbert: "Well then, let me give you some advice..."
Monday June 18,
2007
Tags save planet, bad career advice, fired, no longer communtes, licencse, sell realestate
Transcript
Dilbert: One way to save the planet is to drive a fuel-efficient car. "Another way is to give bad advice to some idiot so he gets fired and no longer commutes." Dogbert: "You should get a license to sell real estate." "Really?"
Sunday June 17,
2007
Tags office noise, whistling, comnfrontation, whiney appearence, cubicle, freakin moron, work-around situation
Transcript
Dilbert: "Gaaa! That idiot is whistling in his cube again!!!" "I would complain but I don't like confrontation." "I can't talk to his boss because I would appear whiney." "There's only one solution." "Alice, please stop by my cubicle when you get a second." Alice: "What's up? Wait. I'll be right back." "STOP WHISTLING, YOU FREAKIN' MORON!!!" "What's up?" Dilbert: "Never mind. I found a work-around."
Sunday March 25,
2007
Transcript
And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"


