Information Super Highway Comic Strips - Page 9
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Mordac: "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services, and I bring you my newest biometric scanner." "Instead of a password, I put this on your head and squeeze until you scream in a way that only you can scream." "No, that's not you." Dilbert: "GAAA! GAAA! GAAA!"
Mordac, the preventer of information services. Mordac: "Security is more important than usability." "In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything." Asok: To complete the log-in procedure. Stare directly at the sun.
The Boss: "Asok, I need you to fill in at tech support for a few days." "You'll be the guy who asks the customer for information, then transfers the call to another person who asks exactly the same questions." Asok: "Wouldn't that make me a barrier to progress?" " The Boss: Only if the other guy actually helped."
CO Worker: "Did you look at my powerpoint presentation?" Dilbert: "Yes, it's a confused jumble of useless information with a wino's spittle of unsupported conclusions." Coworker: "Wino's spittle?" Dilbert: "You heard me."
And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"
"This is Dogbert's tech support. How may I abuse you?" "I get an error message every time I open an application." "Try giving me all of your personal information and then checking into rehab." "Then I'll have someone steal your identity and move in with your wife." "There's a good chance that the new guy will know how to fix your computer." "When you get out of rehab, talk your wife into taking you back." "Then never touch your computer again because it hurts the ones you love." "How's work?" "Everyone wants to talk to my supervisor."
Mordac, the preventer of information services<Br>"You have exceeded your e-mail storage limit!" "To increase your limit, you must get approval from your VP, the CIO, and one nonexistent person to be named later." "I'm thinking either a yeti or a bikini model who is also an engineer." erk!
"Do you mind if I spout obvious generalities about information?" "If you have too much information, and it's not organized in any useful way, then it can't help you make decisions." "Are you a consultant or mildly retarded?" "I wish I knew."
I must use the survival methods I learned at the Indian Institute of Technology. "Step one: Pretend to be a wounded rodent." "Now look for the highway and tickle the hawk with its own feather."