Leave Better Companies Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

823 Results for Leave Better Companies

View 81 - 90 results for leave better companies comic strips. Discover the best "Leave Better Companies" comics from Dilbert.com.

Doctor And Dopamine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Doctor And Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #impulse control, #social media, #twitter, #facebook, #pharmaceuticals, #drugs, #gambling, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.

Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evidence, #excuses, #hackers, #hacking, #laziness, #assignment, #elbonians, #a, #zing report

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish your assignment? Wally: Yes, but Elbonian hackers deleted my report along with all of my backups. Boss: I have no way of knowing that's true. Wally: It was an amazing report! Better than you've ever seen.

Financial Forecaster Quit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Financial Forecaster Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #money, #projection, #prediction, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our financial forecaster quit. I need you to fill in for him. Dilbert: I don't know how to do financial forecasts. Boss: Neither did he. Dilbert: How were you making decisions? Boss: It's better if we don't excavate that septic tank.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #demand, #haggle, #prices, #pricing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.

Wally Not Motivated

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Not Motivated - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #motivation, #behavior, #medical, #treatment, #blame, #accountability, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I need to take a medical leave to recover from my crippling laziness. Boss: Laziness is a behavior problem, not a medical problem. Wally: That would suggest you have not motivated me enough. Boss: Can't be that. It sounds more like you're dying.

Let's Do The Meeting Later

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Let's Do The Meeting Later - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fitbit, #health, #monitor, #wearable tech, #surveillance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to your employee health monitor, your lack of sleep last night is hampering your mental functions. Let's end the meeting and try again when your brain is working better. Man: I don't understand. Dilbert: That is consistent with the data.

App For A Better Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
App For A Better Boss  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #invention, #mind control, #neural interface

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The neural interface is live. His brain is now communicating with his phone. Alice: He's sending me a brain-text. It says "Please help me. My phone has taken control of my body." Dilbert: It worked! Alice: Now we just need to write an app that makes him a better boss.

Boss Gets A Troll

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Gets A Troll  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #troll, #social media, #trolling, #insult, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This idiot keeps insulting me on social media! Every time I block him, he returns with a new account. It's like he never has anything better to do. Dilbert: Do you have a new hobby? Wally: It's more like a passion.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #micromanaging, #managers, #productivity, #google

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have a meeting in a few minutes, so I only have time to do some micromanaging. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better do do regular managing? Boss: I don't have time for the regular kind. Dilbert: Then wouldn't it be better to do no managing at all? Boss: Some is better than none. Dilbert: Except when less is more. Boss: This got too complicated. How about I just stand behind you and suggest you Google stuff? Dilbert: Fine. I wish I had some data for this. Boss: Try Googling it.rnet,

False Rumor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
False Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #backhanded compliment, #liar, #idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Everyone at work thinks I'ma liar because of a false rumor. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, I know you aren't a liar. Dilbert: Thank you. That does help. Dogbert: I see you as more of an idiot. And you're welcome.