Dilbert's Mom says, "I seem to have left my purse at home. I won't be able to pay you." A fortune teller says, "I put the curse of competence on your firstborn son!" Dilbert's Mom says, "That doesn't sound so bad." Years Later A man says, "I need a little help." Dilbert says, "GAAA! Why always me?!"
The Boss says, "I don't need to know the details. Just give me the high altitude view." Dilbert says, "From a high altitude we're all a bunch of termites trying to eat the same log." The Boss says, "Maybe drill down a little more." Dilbert says, "The termites hate each other."
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources
Catbert says, "We've installed surveillance cameras to monitor your work." Catbert says, "It might seem like an unconscionable assault on your privacy, but you'll get used to it." Wally says, "I'm already a little bit used to it." Dilbert says, "Used to what?"
Dogbert's Electric Cubical Walls
Asok: I have a leaner. I want to stun him but not kill him.
Dogbert: I recommend our Keith Richards model.
Asok: Maybe I should dial it back a little."
Dilbert: Don't get too friendly with the new guy. His armpits are 66 inches off the ground.
Asok: He seems nice. I fail to see how the height of his armpits is relevant.
Wally: You'll see.
New Guy: Hey, little buddy. Let me tell you about my weekend.
Dogbert's Tech Support
Dogbert: "No one else has ever reported that problem." "That means you are either crazy or a liar."
Man: "It's a little of both, but how did you know?"
DOgbert: "I can see through your computer."
The boss: "Our CEO's son is joining the department as an intern." "I want you to be his mentor." "And by mentor, I mean don't let the little spy learn anything about us." "If he finds out what we do, he'll tell his dad we're doing it wrong." "Here's a list of compliments you can give him." "Tell him his assignment is to go someplace and study cool motorcycles." "If he asks more than three questions, kill him."
Intern: "Where's my desk?"
Dilbert: "That's one."
Dogbert the Green Consultant
Dogbert: "Stop eating, breathing, driving, defecating, and procreating." "Sit in the dark and decompose on some garden seeds." "Or do you admit you hate Earth?"
The Boss:"A little."
I asked Disgruntled Doug to work on our pricing model. "The fate of the entire company rests in his tiny hands." "That reminds me: I gave your cubicle to an intern." "But don't worry. I have another workspace for you." "You can use this little cardboard box that the laser printer came in." "It's only temporary." "Until we can find you a larger cardboard box." "I have an urge to underestimate costs."
