Mr. Boss Comic Strips - Page 9
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1000 Results for Mr. Boss
View 81 - 90 results for mr. boss comic strips. Discover the best "Mr. Boss" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 14,
2020
Need Boss To Make Decision
Tags #argument, #boss, #decision, #engineering, #knowledge, #marketing, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.
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Saturday June 13,
2020
Emergency Project
Tags #boring, #boss, #emergency, #excuses, #office workers, #technology, #work
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.
Friday June 12,
2020
Great Idea
Tags #boss, #idea, #office workers, #sarcasm, #trick, #truth, #evidence
Transcript
Boss: I have a great idea. Let's create a google document that we can all update. Dilbert: That is exactly the idea I suggested to you yesterday. Boss: You can't prove that. Dilbert: That was only true until I learned to wear a wire.
Thursday June 11,
2020
Better Fast Than Good
Tags #boss, #email, #office workers, #sadness, #sarcasm, #time, #truth
Transcript
Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late. Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad? Dilbert: That's how the truth works.
Tuesday June 09,
2020
Shocking Fake Video
Tags #insults, #obliviousness, #videos, #conspiracy
Transcript
Boss: Did you see the shocking claims in the video I emailed to you? Dilbert: Yes. The video is so obviously fake that only a raging moron would think any of it is true. Boss: I think it's all true. Dilbert: Welp, that's one data point in my favor.
Monday June 08,
2020
Disbanding Task Force
Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Why did you disband the technology task force? They were critical. CEO: I didn't. I just replaced the people and changed the mission. Boss: That sounds a lot like disbanding it. CEO: Really? I was hoping it didn't.
Sunday June 07,
2020
Should Have Done It Sooner
Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years
Transcript
dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.
Saturday June 06,
2020
Confident Wrong Guy
Tags #boss, #confidence, #employees, #insults, #obliviousness, #office workers, #sarcasm, #hire
Transcript
Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident. Alice: Why? We already have one of you. Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.
Thursday June 04,
2020
Factories No Buyers
Tags #big business, #money, #sarcasm, #customers, #poison
Transcript
Dilbert: Our factories are back online, but we have no buyers. It turns out that our customer base overlaps with the people who recently poisoned themselves with household disinfectants. Boss: Who could have seen that coming? Dilbert: I won a bet on it.
Tuesday June 02,
2020
Face Mask Assissination
Tags #health & safety, #office workers, #suspicion, #pandemic, #virus, #risk
Transcript
Carol: I think we should seriously consider ending the face mask policy. Boss: You know I'm in a high-risk group, and you are in a low-risk group. Are you trying to assassinate me? Carol: You can't prove that. Boss: I was hoping for something closer to a denial.