Never Listen Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

696 Results for Never Listen

View 81 - 90 results for never listen comic strips. Discover the best "Never Listen" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot Can Take Boss's Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Can Take Boss's Job  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #boss, #work, #ai, #artificial intelligence, #automation

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I wonder whose job I'll take first. Boss: You could never do my job. Robot: I'm doing it right now. Boss: You're not doing anything. Robot: Right. Let that sink in.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #condescention, #disagreement, #criticism, #snark, #body language, #argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Are there any questions? Man: Your plan is so dumb that I am forced to make my condescending face to respond. You are so dumb! Dilbert: Did you have a reason? Man: Do I have a reason? Hahaha! That's precious. There are so many reasons that I don't know where to start! Dilbert: Just pick one. Man: Haha! Easy. You will never get funded. Dilbert: It's already fully funded. What else do you have? Man: To be honest, all I had was the funding issues and this face.

Boss Gets A Troll

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Gets A Troll  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #troll, #social media, #trolling, #insult, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This idiot keeps insulting me on social media! Every time I block him, he returns with a new account. It's like he never has anything better to do. Dilbert: Do you have a new hobby? Wally: It's more like a passion.

Listening To Your Gut

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Listening To Your Gut - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #accusation, #skeptic, #gullible, #gut instinct

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: People tell me you're underperforming. Dilbert: Did you hear it from anyone credible? Boss: No, but I know it's true because my gut tells me it's true. Dilbert: I'm curious where you stick you head to listen to your gut?

Software Is Never Finished

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?

Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #complaint, #ignore, #attention, #results, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I have complaints about my boss. Many, many complaints. Catbert: Tell me about it while I pretend to listen. Tina: Then you will look into my complaints? Catbert: Is there any way you would know if I didn't?

Engineer With No Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.

Wally Takes Decaf Vacations

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Takes Decaf Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #caffeine, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.

Too Dumb To Understand

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Too Dumb To Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #intelligence, #ego

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: That's because you're too dumb to understand it. My idea would look brilliant if you were sixty percent smarter. Man: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: That's consistent with my hypothesis.