No Way Comic Strips - Page 9

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703 Results for No Way

View 81 - 90 results for no way comic strips. Discover the best "No Way" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hire Agile Programmers

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Hire Agile Programmers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #pun, #deception, #earthquake, #agility

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Wally: You should move the agile programmers to building six because it has poor earthquake protection. they can jump out of the way if stuff starts falling. Boss; I guess that makes sense. Wally: Can I have one of their cubicles near a window?

Electric Car Project

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Electric Car Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #manager, #labor, #time, #time management, #obliviousness

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Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

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Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

A System For Transferring Mistakes

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A System For Transferring Mistakes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business

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Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.

Wally Creates Virtually Reality Goggles

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Wally Creates Virtually Reality Goggles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #deception, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: Check out the new virtual reality googles. You wear them all day to upgrade the way you experience the world. Narrator: Later. Boss: It's good to see you working so hard, Wally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #punctuality, #late, #excuses, #traffic, #sleep, #time management, #health

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Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical

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Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2016's comic on:


Tags #design, #engineering, #interface, #ui, #obstinacy

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Dilbert: I simplified the user interface as you suggested. You wanted one button to do eleven different functions. It wasn't easy, but I think you'll be pleased. If you want me to turn up the volume... you hold the button down for exactly five seconds... then double-tap, and double-tap again. Then hold for exactly six seconds. Then press it all the way down, then halfway up, then 27 percent back down. And hold for nine seconds. Or you could admit that you don't know anything about interface design. Boss: Never!

Boss Can't Decide Who To Vote For

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Boss Can't Decide Who To Vote For - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #election, #voting, #choice, #choosing, #decision, #indecision, #judgement

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Boss: I can't decide who to vote for in this election. Alice: Make your voting decision the same way you make your work decisions. Boss: Common sense and gut instinct? Alice: We just call it "wrong."

Smart People Are On Both Sides

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Smart People Are On Both Sides - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Politics, #intelligence, #appearances, #perspective

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Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that there are smart people on both sides of every political issue? Boss: Maybe it only seems that way to you because you're not one of the smart ones. Dilbert: Do I seem smart? Wally: I didn't realize you were trying.