Nonexistent Job Comic Strips - Page 9
Search Filters
Year
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
885 Results for Nonexistent Job
View 81 - 90 results for nonexistent job comic strips. Discover the best "Nonexistent Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 10,
2017
Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job
Tags #talking, #conversation, #boring, #annoy, #quitting, #boredom
Transcript
Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.
Saturday December 31,
2016
Spreading Ted's Ashes
Tags #apathy, #ashes, #cremation, #death, #spreading, #toilet, #medical
Transcript
Alice: Ted's widow asked us to spread his ashes around the office because he loved his job. Wally: I'll do it. Alice: You didn't like Ted. Wally: Was that a requirement? Alice: Don't let anyone see you flush it.
Thursday December 15,
2016
Asok Has Worst Job In The World
Tags #hit man, #job, #happiness, #satisfaction, #doppelganger, #double, #lookalike, #business, #psychology
Transcript
Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.
Saturday December 10,
2016
Cartoonist As Spokesperson
Tags #spokesperson, #embarrassment, #celebrity, #promoter, #product
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for a celebrity spokesperson, but we don't have much budget for it. All we can afford is a cartoonist. Can you do the job for $75? Scott Adams: Deal! Boss: Have you ever done anything on social media that would embarrass us? Scott Adams: I thought that's what it's for.
Tuesday December 06,
2016
Ted Gets A New Phone
Tags #punishment, #reward, #gift, #samsung, #explosion, #battery
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.
Saturday December 03,
2016
Acting Interested In Dilbert
Tags #managers, #relationships, #human, #humanity, #productivity, #motivation
Transcript
Boss: I'm supposed to act interested in your well-being to boost your job performance. Dilbert: No thanks. Boss: So... how's your wife, or girlfriend, or same-sex partner, or loneliness? Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Okay, I think that covers it. Dilbert: Look! My productivity is soaring!
Tuesday November 22,
2016
Car Rental Typing
Tags #logic, #efficiency, #car rental, #frustration
Transcript
Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!
Friday November 11,
2016
Nothing Else To Talk About
Tags #personality, #boring, #bored, #conversation, #small talk, #psychology
Transcript
Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.
Thursday November 10,
2016
Talking About The Last Job
Tags #personality, #comparing, #employees, #dumb, #business, #psychology
Transcript
Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.
Sunday October 16,
2016
Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business
Transcript
Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.