Only Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Only

View 81 - 90 results for only comic strips. Discover the best "Only" comics from Dilbert.com.

Goofy Words

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Goofy Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, proposal, understand, clarification, end, misunderstand

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: and that's my blockchain proposal. any questions? boss: there was a part i didn't understand. dilbert: which part? boss: the words dilbert: all of them? boss: only the goofy ones. such as token, smart contract, certainty as a service, utxo blockchains, node, ledger, and daps. dilbert: so... you didn't understand anything i said for the past hour? boss: don't try to turn this into my fault dilbert: you could have asked me to clarify boss: i also wanted it to end.

Dilbert Characters

Slippery Slope

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Slippery Slope - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, slippery, slope, approval, database, cosmetic, surgery, insult

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: can i take this database class? boss: no, that's a slippery slope. if i approve that class, next you will demand i pay for cosmetic surgery. dilbert: do i look like i need it? boss: only in two places - your face and your body

Hypothetical Observer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hypothetical Observer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, insults, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.

New Tv Ad

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Tv Ad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, business ethics, marketing, men and women, office workers, relations between the sexes, accuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ben, from marketing, is here to give us a preview of our new tv ad. Ben: The opening scene shows a bunch of men who are weak and stupid, failing to solve a common problem. Then a confident and strong woman enters and solves the problem with ease. Dilbert: Isn't that incredibly sexist? Ben: No, because only the men are weak and stupid. Dilbert: And that's not sexist? Ben: Why are you being so weak and stupid? You sound like a bigot. Dilbert: I'll be quiet now. Wally: As quickly as it began, the rebellion was quashed.

Ignorant Opinions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ignorant Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, insults, office workers, Opinion, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I told your boss I think your project is heading in the wrong direction. Dilbert: Given that you only know about 20% of what one should know to have an informed opinion on the topic, may I conclude that you are stupid and toxic? Man: You don't know me! Dilbert: I'm basing my opinion on the 20% I do know.

Company Pays Men More Than Women

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Company Pays Men More Than Women - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business ethics, managers & supervisors, men and women, money, relations between the sexes, sex & gender, salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: It has come to my attention that our company pays men more than women. I have been asked to correct that situation. Dilbert: You're going to cut the pay of the men, right? Boss: No, no, no. I'm only going to ask you to identify as a woman.

Teambuilding Celebration

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teambuilding Celebration - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags celebration, employees, office workers, parties, rules

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, I want you to plan the team-building celebration. Make sure there is no alcohol, no dancing, no touching, no flirting, and no joking around. Dilbert: Can we eat? Boss: Only food that has never been near a peanut.

Wally Writes Fiction

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Writes Fiction - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, business, managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: i decided to try my hand at writing fiction. i like writing fiction because it doesn't require any research. i can literally make up a story out of nothing. i feel sorry for nonfiction writers. they have to get the facts right. but a fiction writer only has to use imagination. i can make any wild assumptions about the future that i want. boss: i asked you here to talk about your budget forecast. wally: that's what i was talking about.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, business, office, raise, project

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, rules, quotes, chaos, purchasing

View Transcript

Transcript

purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes. dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product. purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules. dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so. purchasing manager: that would be chaos. Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules. dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge. purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.