Phase Two Comic Strips - Page 9
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602 Results for Phase Two
View 81 - 90 results for phase two comic strips. Discover the best "Phase Two" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 07,
2015
Death By Emoji
Tags #emoji, #communication, #miscommunication, #murder, #crime, #deception, #engineers, #work ethic
Transcript
Boss: I tried to use emoji characters and accidentally ordered two of my engineers to kill Ted. They say they did it. CEO: Did the engineers complain about being too busy to do it? Boss: No. Oh, I see it now. CEO: Total hoax.
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Friday September 18,
2015
Boss Hoards Gold Unless Hungry
Tags #gold, #apocalypse, #money, #Food, #priorities, #hunger, #fool
Transcript
Boss: You'll be sorry when the world economy collapses. But I'll be okay because I hoarded gold at my house. Alice: On day two, you'll trade all of it for a sandwich. Boss: Only if I'm hungry.
Sunday July 05,
2015
Tags #ideas, #problems, #talking, #solution, #obliviousness, #criticism, #honesty
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you tell me our biggest vendor pulled out of the deal? Dilbert: If I told you my problems, you would suggest solutions. Your solutions generally don't make sense. But you are my boss, so I would be obliged to waste time looking into your suggestions. So if you try to solve my problem, I will have two problems instead of one. Boss: Sometimes my ideas are good! Right? Dilbert: That is a dangerous way to think.
Tuesday June 30,
2015
The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid
Tags #hiding, #grid, #off the grid, #bored, #bore, #boredom, #Entertainment
Transcript
Dilbert: The government will never find me off the grid. G-Man 1: He went off the grid. G-Man 2: Problem solved. The boredom will kill him in two days. Dilbert: Looking at a stick. Still looking at a stick.
Wednesday April 22,
2015
Wally Not A Fan Of Implementation
Tags #invention, #inventions, #design, #complication, #overthinking
Transcript
Wally: I asked the other engineers to help me develop my double-handed coffee mug invention. Now it is bloated with useless features and not dishwasher safe. Maybe you should cancel the project. Boss: Are you okay with that? Wally: I've never been a big fan of the implementation phase.
Saturday April 18,
2015
Wally Presents His Idea
Tags #ideas, #inventions, #thinking, #coffee, #mug, #decisions, #peer pressure, #independent thought
Transcript
Wally: I invented a coffee mug with two handles. It works from any angle of approach, accommodates larger payloads, and has handle redundancy. Alice: I can honestly say it is your best idea yet. Boss: If Alice likes it...
Sunday February 22,
2015
Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality
Transcript
Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.
Monday January 26,
2015
What Phase Of The Project
Tags #insult, #insulting, #project, #questioning
Transcript
Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.
Friday January 09,
2015
Love Me For My Mind
Tags #dating, #love, #priorities, #relationships, #vanilla scented lotion, #mind
Transcript
Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.
Friday December 26,
2014
3 D Immersive Goggles
Tags #death, #distraction, #mortality, #technology, #virtual reality, #3d goggles, #testing, #good experince, #forget to eat, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: Hey, Ted, how do you like our new 3-D immersive goggles you've been testing for two weeks? Some people say the experience is so good that you forget to eat. You're dead, aren't you...