Problem Getting Dressed Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

730 Results for Problem Getting Dressed

View 81 - 90 results for problem getting dressed comic strips. Discover the best "Problem Getting Dressed" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #truth, #diagnosis, #Opinion, #free will, #ai, #artificial intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Dilbert's problem is that he's a huge narcissist. Robot: You are not qualified to make that diagnosis and you cannot detect his inner thoughts. Alice: Open your access panel so I can fix your stupid opinion. Robot: Are you saying I don't have free will?

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

Focus Groups Are Unreliable

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Focus Groups Are Unreliable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #focus groups, #strategy, #logic

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our focus groups don't like our new product idea. Boss: No problem. Focus groups aren't reliable. Dilbert: Why do we pay for unreliable information? Boss: We can't afford the other kind.

Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #swearing, #exaggeration, #deception, #accomplishment

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I achieved all of my milestones on my secret project this month. Boss: How do I know any of that is true? Wally: I swear on the lives of my coworkers. Boss: I'm getting a mixed message here.

Getting The Wrong Answer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting The Wrong Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #spending, #Advice, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.

Asok Can't Take Immersive Vr Seat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Can't Take Immersive Vr Seat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #vr, #reality, #physical, #illusion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: That seat is taken by Kevin, our new immersive VR employee. Asok: But... I'm a physical person. Boss: Did you just insult Kevin's corporeal identity? Asok: I don't see how that's a problem. Kevin: I can't work in this hostile environment.

Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #forgetful, #forgetting, #money, #budget, #oversight

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't see my project in the new budget. Boss: Oh, right. I forgot all about you. Dilbert: That sounds easy to fix. Boss: Yup. MY problem will be solved as soon as you leave.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #medicine, #excuse, #doctor, #laziness, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #ideas

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.

Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #automation, #cyborg, #technology, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Randy: I am using the microchip in my brain to plan the entire project. Okay... done. The rest of you can go back to your cubicles and continue doing nothing. Wally: I spent my entire life getting ready for this sort of future and it's going down easy.