Punching People Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Punching People

View 81 - 90 results for punching people comic strips. Discover the best "Punching People" comics from Dilbert.com.

The Best Way To Succeed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Best Way To Succeed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office workers, success, delegate

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the best way to succeed in this world is through hard work dilbert: is that the way you did it? boss: no, i used the second-best way dilbert: which is... boss: making other people work hard

We Already Have A Carl

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
We Already Have A Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, interview, skills, confuse, employee, names

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't hire you because we already have an employee named carl. it would confuse people, and we don't need that. interviewee: what about my skills? boss: people with better names have skills too.

Need To Retrain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need To Retrain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, business, office, retrain, proposal, employees, risk, cost, work

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: your idea is dumb because we'd have to retrain people dilbert: are you waiting for a plan with no costs, no work, and no risk? boss: yes, why are you holding that one back?

Cause Of Unhappiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cause Of Unhappiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, happiness, office workers, research, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I did a study of what makes people unhappy. It turns out that the primary cause of unhappiness is "other people". Alice: That's dumb. Dilbert: Said the other person.

No One Is Taking Advice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No One Is Taking Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, confidence, employees, jobs, office workers, youth

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I keep telling people how to do their jobs, but no one takes my advice. Wally: Maybe that's because you are so inexperienced that you don't realize how bad your advice is. That's ridiculous. How could I be so wrong and yet feel so confident? Wally: I miss being young.

New Cubicles

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Cubicles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.

More People Working At Home

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
More People Working At Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, office, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The office is too quiet today. Carol: That's because more people are working from home. Boss: How can I do my job if I can't pop into people's cubicles and share my wisdom? Second question: why is everything running so smoothly lately?

Finding A Scapegoat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding A Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, project, ceo, scapegaot, climate change

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.

Layoff Package

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, fire, office, office workers, buyout

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

Beg And Pay Store

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Beg And Pay Store - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, buying, selling, begging, internet

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!