Search Results for "reason with idiots"

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Team Building Lunch

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Team Building Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #lunch, #team, #teamwork, #team-building, #business

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Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.

Elbonian Slave Labor

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Elbonian Slave Labor  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #employees, #slave, #wages, #compensation, #minimum wage, #morality, #business, #money

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Boss: Management was shocked to learn that the company we acquired had been using Elbonian slave labor. We immediately replaced them with minimum wage employees who have no hope of career advancement. Wally: You did the right thing. Boss: That's how it felt.

Boss Checks On His Nickname

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Boss Checks On His Nickname - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name-calling, #nickname, #abbreviation

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Boss: Wally says people are calling me a "frickin' bottleneck" behind my back. Is that true? Carol: I have to call you back after I'm done with F.B. Boss: F.B.? Carol: Um... Facebook.

Disgruntled Carol

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Disgruntled Carol - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #personality test, #personality, #mental illness, #fear, #threat, #danger, #psychology

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Boss: Did you take The Dogbert Personality Type Test? Carol: Yes. I'm a disgruntled psychopath with a blinding hatred for authority. Boss: I'll be in my office. Carol: Good! Stay there!

We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots

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We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #damage control, #slogan, #tag line, #image, #business

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CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hazmat suit, #harrass, #wear suit, #harrasment, #offcie, #prevention, #dressed up, #human resources, #inappropriate delivery, #business

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The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to wear this harazzmat suit when you meet with Tina. Tina will also be wearing a harazmatt suit. The suits will prevent you from trying to harass each other. You won't be able to speak directly. A radio inside the suit will transmit your words to our human resources department. Human resources will scrub your sentences of any inappropriate content before delivery. Dilbert: Doyon wear a harrazzmat suit when you talk to Tina privately? The Boss: No, but she wears three of them.

Someone Stole Phb's Idea

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 Someone Stole Phb's Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #patent, #copyright, #invention, #credit

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Boss: Hey! Someone stole my product idea! Dilbert: To be fair, your idea would have been obvious to a monkey with a drinking problem. Boss: But a monkey couldn't build this product. Dilbert: Neither can you. Let's call it a tie.

Wally Pivots

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Wally Pivots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #projects

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Wally: My project was failing, so I pivoted to a different idea with the same name. Later, I'll change the project name to cover my tracks. Asok: What about your sunk costs? Wally: Gone like footprints in the sands of time.

Ted Dies By Software

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Ted Dies By Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #bug, #program, #programming, #morals, #ethics

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Wally: Our self-driving car went off a cliff with Ted in it. Did you tweak the software to make that happen? Dilbert; No, that was a bug. Wally: Was it a known bug? Dilbert: Now we're getting into a gray area.

Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code

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Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #government, #back door, #self driving, #software, #kill terrorits, #traitor, #engineering

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Dilbert: Im uncomfortable with letting the government have a back door into our sled driving car software. The Boss: You worry too much, They'll only use it to kill terrorists and traitors. Dilbert: I think I might disable it and not tell them. The Boss: Traitor