Shake Hand Comic Strips - Page 9

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354 Results for Shake Hand

View 81 - 90 results for shake hand comic strips. Discover the best "Shake Hand" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tall pants, old fashioned, hairpiece, glove on tail, money to treasury, first primary

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Dogbert: I'm wearing my tall pants and my old-fashioned hairpiece because I'm running for president. "I put a glove on my tail so I can shake 50% more hands." "My policy is to give all the money in the treasury to Iowans. But I might flip-flop after the first primary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags use open source, emergency, trade publication, no one gets hurt

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The Boss: From now on, I want you to use open source software for everything we do. It's free. Dilbert: I'll be right back." "It's an emergency. I think he's been reading. Alice: We know you have a trade publication in here. Hand it over and no one has to get hurt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Hey, is that a new candy dish?" "Yes, it is." "GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM MY @#$% CANDY!" "I love the new candy dish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Hello, tech support, my computer is frozen." "Try hanging up and slamming your hand in a drawer." "How's work?" "My average call time is down and my job satisfaction is up."

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MAPS "I reserved a mid-sized car." "Let's see what's left." "We don't have any cars left. But I can let you borrow a glove from the lost-and-found bin." "What good is one glove?" "You wouldn't ask that if you had a frozen hand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags team building exercise, left die, crying, shake it off, boss, apathetic

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"You said it was a team-building exercise and you left me in the middle of the desert to die!" "Shake it off." "You wouldn't think that would work, but it does!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags handpicked, team, no budget, laziness, least effirt, yvonne, hotness, power over men, manipulated by all, good meeting, business

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Dilbert: "I hand-picked you two for my team becasue we have no budget." "Wally, your laziness helps you accomplish the most work with the least effort. Yvonne, your hotness give syou the power to make men do what you want for nothing." "So, then Yvonne convinced me to do her work and Wally went on disability leave." Dogbert: "But otherwise, a good meeting?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags certified massage therapist, clicking, every week, few minutes, lengthy questionarie, one hand, pen pal, used pen

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Certified Massage Therapist "Fill out this lengthy medical questionnaire." "That'll save me a few minutes of touching him." "I wonder if he'd know if I only used one hand." "Actually, how would he even know if it's a hand?" "Maybe I have an object here that feels like a hand." "This ballpoint pen will work." "I'm finding some tension here. Okay, it's gone now." "She says I should come back every week until my muscles stop clicking." "Sounds like you found a pen pal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags invent nanotech stem cells, point to hand, almost done, prnak, give high five, crush them, blame

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Dilbert: "My boss wants me to invent nano-technology stem cells because it sounds good." DOgbert: "Try pointing to your empty hand and saying, 'you can't see them but they're almost done!'" "Then trick him into giving you a high-five and yell, 'you crushed them! Aaag!!!'"

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Tags stress free, unrealistic beliefs, people care, stapler, steal, coworkers, budget numbers, lying, briefcase, coffe cup

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Asok: Wally how can you be so stress free? Wally: Its quite simple. Stress is caused by an unrealistic belief that people care about you, I, on the other hand expect pope to be like me. Lets visit ted and I'll show you how this works. Ted, do you have the budget numbers that you promised me? Thats next on my to-do lit. While he was lying to me, I told his stapler, so I came out a head. He forgot his mug, Im going to sip that puppy into my briefcase.