Sitting For Boss Comic Strips - Page 9
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boss: ted says you are making all the wrong technology decisions on your project. dilbert: why do you believe him? boss: because he's the last person i talked to. dilbert: but now you're talking to me. boss: stop trying to game the system.
dogbert: i'm dogbert, doctor of the impossible. boss: does that mean you cure diseases that are believed to be impossible to cure? dogbert: no, that sounds boring. i prescribe treatments that are impossible to follow. when you fail you don't get better. you'll think it's your own fault. boss: how does that help anyone but you? dogbert: hey, i'm not the one who brought it up. boss: you're giving me a headache. dogbert: to cure that, i suggest ice-cold baths every six minutes.
boss: looks like my idea of remote work is being implemented by management all over the world. dilbert: i don't think that was "our idea" so much as totally obvious to every thinking person. boss: well, maybe. but would they have implemented it? dilbert: i'm going to talk to smart people now.
boss: i got the covid-19 vaccination, so i'm feeling safe. i feel sorry for you unvaccinated people who are marinating in a toxic soup of deadly viruses. dilbert: thank you for your concern. boss: neener-neener.
wally: i've been tracking my successes at work relative to my efforts, and i see no correlation. so if you see me not working hard, you should assume everything is fine. boss: you've never had a success to track. wally: i was hoping you didn't know that.
boss: everything that went wrong this year was the fault of the prior manager. i inherited his problems. dilbert: but everything that went right was because of your excellent leadership? boss: no jumping ahead.
wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.
alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack. boss: how do you know your decisions are bad? alice: i'm starting to agree with you. boss: i don't understand. alice is gone: exactly
boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.
boss with laptop and on video chat: wally, it seems that once again you have made no progress on any of your projects. wally: it looks that way from the outside but what you have to understand is that not doing something is also a decision. boss: i literally hate talking to you. wally: harsh.