Surpasses Last Remnets Comic Strips - Page 9

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353 Results for Surpasses Last Remnets

View 81 - 90 results for surpasses last remnets comic strips. Discover the best "Surpasses Last Remnets" comics from Dilbert.com.

Topper Never Sleeps

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Topper Never Sleeps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sleep, tired, brag, bragging, braggart, absurd, competition, top, embellish, embellishment, exaggeration, health

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Topper. Dilbert: I only slept four hours last night. Topper: That's nothing. I was born awake and decided to stay that way. Dilbert: Lack of sleep is making me a little loopy. Topper: I have a human head collection.

Ted Died Last Week

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Ted Died Last Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags listening, listen, listener, silence, death, dead, attention, medical

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Dilbert: Ted died in his cubicle. Alice: When? Dilbert: About a week ago. They just found him. Alice: Remember when I said Ted is an unusually good listener? I have new data.

Wally's Hobby

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Wally's Hobby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags compliment, insult, backhanded compliment, hobby, obliviousness, deception

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Wally: Your strategy looks like a genius way to fight the last war. Boss: Thank you. Wally: No problem. You owe me a compliment. At what point does insulting your boss and getting away with it count as a hobby?

Ceo Inflates His Own Head

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Ceo Inflates His Own Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bonus, ceos, competition, executives, height, money, salary, wages

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Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.

What Phase Of The Project

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What Phase Of The Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insult, insulting, project, questioning

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Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alienation, deception, strategy, toxic, toxic relationship, work ethic, useless, ambitous, meetings, incomplete information, anxious, hateful

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Wally: I'm already useless, but I'm thinking about becoming toxic as well. Dilbert: That seems ambitious for you. Wally: Think it through. As a useless person, I still get invited to meetings because I don't cause much trouble. But if I go full-toxic, no one will invite me to meetings in the first place. I can avoid a lot of work by nipping it in the bud. Dilbert: Is it hard to be toxic? How do you do it? Wally: It's easy. All you do is provide incomplete information that makes people anxious and hateful. I can't tell you what was said in that last meeting, but I defended you.

Topping Our Of Category

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Topping Our Of Category - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition, hyperbole, lying, topping, sleepless, kung fu, divert asteroid, c=ollison, collision course

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Alice: I only slept three hours last night. Topper: That's nothing! I used kunk fu to divert an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Alice: Topping needs to be in the same category! Topper: Only if you're bad at it! Hoo-ha!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arguing, email, expectations, logic, sleep, winning, work ethic, promptly respond, employees, necessary, brain function, succumbs to leadership, dysfunctional moron, confsuion, win converstions, ceo, health, business

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CEO: You didn't promptly respond to my email last night. Dilbert: You sent that email at 1 a.m. CEO: I expect my employees to be checking email at all times. Dilbert: Sleep is necessary for normal brain function. Anyone who succumbs to your leadership on this topic will turn into a dysfunctional moron in 48 hours. CEO: I don't see where you're going with this. It's all so confusing to my brain. So tired... can't stay awake... Dilbert: I don't usually win conversations this decisively.

Alice Is Rested From Vacation

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Alice Is Rested From Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, relaxation, stress, vacation, work, rested, aftreglow, text message, enraged

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Alice: I feel so rested and relaxed after my vacation. I wonder how long this afterglow will last because... excuse me while I check this text message. Dilbert: Is it too late to start timing it? [Alice is on fire]

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags drinking, hiring, personality tests, sales, sales personnel, sociopaths, storytelling skills, morgue, selfie, dead guy, super drunk, hired, sales person, new hire, business

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Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.