Systems Costs Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

128 Results for Systems Costs

View 81 - 90 results for systems costs comic strips. Discover the best "Systems Costs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags software expenses, marketing software expenses, monkeys, wear watches, boss asks, budget, costs, expenses

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sees Alice at her desk and asks, "Why are our software expenses higher than marketing's software expenses?" Alice replies, "For the same reason monkey's don't wear watches." Caption reads: "One hour later." The Boss returns and asks, "Does it involve fur in any way?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, funerals, evil dierctor, heating costs, too high, company furnace, cremated, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert the Evil HR Director says to the staff, "Employees waste too much time at funerals." Catbert continues, "On a related note, our heating costs are too high." Later at home, Dilert's mother says to Dilbert, "As a matter of fact, I would mind being cremated in the company furnace."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cut budget, technology installation, adequate budget, unethical vendors, huge purchase, free stuff, no hidden costs, huge purchase later

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I cut your budget in half." Dilbert replies, "How can I do a technology installation without an adequate budget?!" The Boss says, "Try being unethical with our vendors." Dilbert answers, "What?" The Boss replies, "It's easy." The Boss continues, "Tell them we might make a huge purchase. Later..." The Boss goes on to say, "...If they give us a bunch of free stuff now." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If it makes you feel better, wait until they lie first." The vendor representative says to Dilbert, "And there are no hidden costs." Dilbert says to the representative, "Um...we might make a huge purchase later."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dumpster service, save money, discovered alternative costs, tear off piece

View Transcript

Transcript

At a meeting, the Boss announces: "I cancelled our dumpster service to save money." He continues: "I discovered an alternative that costs nothing." He tells everyone as he hands them a sheet of paper: "Everyone tear off a piece and put it in your pocket."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags higher drag coefficient, interns head, quantify benefits, knowledge management

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says to the Boss: "I've been asked to quantify the benefits of our knowledge management systems." She points to a photograph of an intern: "I measured our intern's head to see if it got bigger." She explains: "The higher drag coefficient means we lost a little in the sandwich-fetching department."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags action items, filberts mother, gnp, not giving back, tuition money, costs for strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is with his Mom. She is drinking tea. She asks Dilbert: "Did you do any action items this week?" Dilbert answers: "I gathered costs for a strategy we had already decided not to use." Dilbert's Mom says: "That helps the Ol' GNP." Dilbert tells her: "I'm not giving back your tuition money."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags face time, software, man makes face, imitating worker, discourage from raise, costs money, discouraging, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Come in to the VP's office with me. you need to get some face time. Dilbert: What is Face Time? The Boss: Its very important. man: and this is you asking for a raise.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags call center, customer questions, working conditions, inhumane, innocent employees

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Your project is to build a call center to handle customer questions. Keep the costs downy making the working conditions inhumane. Dilbert: My conscience won't allow me to harm innocent employees. The Boss: we won't be paying enough ti hire any innocent employees.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil dircetor, new policy, reimbursement, travel, bring back fork, ten percent meals

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: 'Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at his computer and writes, "....New policy on reimbursement for travel..." Dilbert, at his computer, reads, "Do not tip more than ten percent for meals.." Catbert writes, "If the meal costs more than six dollars, bring back a fork." Catbert purrs.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, recipient, of stone of quality, motivational rock, says thanks, costs engraved, knocks out boss, police arrive, find rock

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at the computer. The Boss hands her a rock. The boss says, "Alice, you're the first recipient of the motivational "stone of quality"." The boss says, "It cost a thousand dollars to have it engraved. It's my way of saying "thanks"." The boss lies on the floor with a large bump on his head. Two cops lean over him. Alice peers around the corner. One of the cops, "There's no weapon, but I found this cool motivational rock."