Technology Magazine Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

848 Results for Technology Magazine

View 81 - 90 results for technology magazine comic strips. Discover the best "Technology Magazine" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Is Honest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Is Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #goals, #quarter, #unrealistic, #honest

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: alice, you did not meet your goals this quarter. alice: that's because my goals are totally unrealistic and were created by a.moron. i hope you meant it when you said you want us to be honest with you. boss: i didn't expect you to act on it!

Bad Attitude

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #work, #exceptional, #complain, #attitude, #bad, #dislike, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: your work has been exceptional, but people are complaining about your attitude. dilbert: aren't the people who are doing the complaining usually the ones with bad attitudes. boss: they think you dislike them. dilbert: i do, but i have a terrific attitude about it.

Motivosity Bucks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Motivosity Bucks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #working, #weekend, #employment, #bucks, #money, #motivosity

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: thanks for working all weekend to get the project done, dilbert. i award you two motivosity bucks. dilbert: i like real money better. boss: that just cost you two motivosity bucks.

Ted And His Laptop

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted And His Laptop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #employment, #fired, #laptop, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back. ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice? boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop. ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired? boss: um...

Reimagine Ted's Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reimagine Ted's Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #business, #job, #new, #pay, #projects, #reimagine, #technology, #compensation

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ted, we need to reimagine your job. ted: i hope that means you will replace the boring parts of my job with exciting new projects. boss: it doesn't mean that. boss: does it mean doing the same work for higher pay?

Assigning Dilbert To Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Assigning Dilbert To Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #network, #redesign, #project, #phase, #positive, #optimistic, #assign, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.

Pick Midpoint

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pick Midpoint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #projections, #accurate, #random, #guess, #midpoint, #decision

View Transcript

Transcript

bos: which of your two projections do you think is more accurate? dilbert: they are both random guesses. i made two of them to create an illusion of a credible range. boss: so...would it be reasonable to pick the midpoint? dilbert: it's as reasonable as your other decisions.

Dogbert 5 G Testing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert 5 G Testing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #5g, #testing, #low-cost, #phone, #prototype, #eggs, #fry, #silly, #qualified, #experts, #safety, #email, #bill

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i don't want to sit too near your 5G phone prototype. i worry that it will fry my eggs. boss: don't be silly. this phone was extensively tested for safety by qualified experts. boss to dogbert: i need you to test this 5G phone for safety. dogbert at desk labeled "low-cost testing: it looks fine to me. i'll email you my bill.

5 G Is 4 G

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
5 G Is 4 G - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #wireless, #service, #5g, #4g, #complain, #impossible, #phone

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we are rolling out our new 5G wireless service today. dilbert: we don't have any 5G technology. boss: it's really 4G, but no one wants that, so we call it 5G. dilbert: people will complain. boss: that's okay. we're also making it impossible to reach us by phone.

5 G Format

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
5 G Format  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #recommendation, #5g, #format, #industry, #standard, #tricking

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: and that's why i recommend creating a 5g format called orthogonal frequency division multiplexing. boss: that will never work. dilbert: it's already an industry standard. i was joking. boss: stop doing the to me. dilbert: i don't know if i can.