Ten Billion Dollars Comic Strips - Page 9

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390 Results for Ten Billion Dollars

View 81 - 90 results for ten billion dollars comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Billion Dollars" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, internet & world wide web, social media cosultant, one like, less than ten thousand, insulting, elbonian, inflate your like count, socialize, wine glasses, bar wine, kiss, relationships

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Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, money, budget estimate, project, one billion dollars, unreasonable

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Boss: I need a budget estimate for your project. Dilbert: One billion dollars. Boss: That doesn't sound reasonable. Dilbert: I'll shout numbers and you can stop me when one sounds reasonable. Boss: Please stop being you. Dilbert: Eleven!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, wounds & injuries, black eye, blanket, billon dollar, tech decsions

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Dilbert: How'd you bet the black eye? Boss: I was pulling up my blanket in bed. My hand slipped and I punched myself in the face. Dilbert: Okay, let's make some billion-dollar technology decisions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), laziness, passive job seeker, rope, sleeping, tied up, coffee cup, chair, bound

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Recruiters Recruiter 1: Hey, is that a passive job seeker? Wally: ZZZZZZ. Recruiter 2: Back off! I saw him first. This rope hols my place until he wakes up. Wally: ZZZZZZ. I will pay you a thousand dollars to drop a long straw in this cup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, work ethic, new revisions, work, meaning

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Carol: Ignore the page revisions I send out ten minutes ago. Your boss revised them again. Dilbert: Can I ignore the new revisions, too? I'm only asking because that was my plan. Carol: Thank you for removing the last shred of meaning from my work. Dilbert: It's what I do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, questioning, navigation button, top of page, idea people, difficult, people not answering

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Dilbert: Would it be better with the navigation button at the top of the page? Coworker: I can make that change. Dilbert: I know you can make the change. I'm asking if you agree it would be a good idea. Coworker: It's no problem to move buttons. Dilbert: But is it a good idea? Coworker: I can have it done in ten minutes. Dilbert: But should we do it at all? Coworker: Whatever you want. Dilbert: That is not an answer! Forget it! I'm going to tell your boss you're difficult to work with. Asok: When will you move the button. Coworker: As soon as it's my idea.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, questioning, bought start up, million dollars, diet coke, wine

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Alice: We bought a start-up just so we could get the engineers, including you. Do something that's worth a million dollars. I want to see what that looks like. Coworker: You don't sound entirely sincere. Alice: Can you turn my Diet Coke into wine?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, engineers, wages, start up, million each, under paid, money, salray, paid workers

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Boss: This is one of the engineers that works at the start-up we purchased. We bought the company just to get the engineers. Basically, each engineer cost us a million dollars. Dilbert: I'm so underpaid! Engineer: That money didn't go to me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, fired, programming code, undocumented, passwords, death spiral, huge raise

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Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dog, facebook, facebook page, internet & world wide web, linkedin, stocks, twitter, websites, work ethic, working from home, distractions, animals

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Dilbert: I'm working at home today. It will be as if we're co-workers. Dogbert: Ugh. This madness must stop! You should check your Facebook page to see what's new. You should check Twitter. Dilbert: I'm almost finished with Facebook. Dogbert: Did you get my LinkedIn request? Dilbert: I'll check. Dogbert: I send you some links to funny websites. Dilbert: Cool! I just spent ten hours at my computer and I can't remember why I was sitting there in the first place. Dogbert: You were going to check your stocks. Dilbert: Okay. That sounds right. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later.