Top Secret Data Comic Strips - Page 9

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424 Results for Top Secret Data

View 81 - 90 results for top secret data comic strips. Discover the best "Top Secret Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

Zig Zag

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Zig Zag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #insubordination, #leadership, #zigzag, #insanity, #fired

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CEO: The secret to being a great leader is to zig when others zag. Dilbert: Coincidentally, that is the same strategy used by the insane. CEO: I should fire you for your insubordination. Dilbert: Or you could zig.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap

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Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #magic, #thinking, #incomplete data, #intuition and epxerince, #make decision, #magical thinking, #fixes ignorance

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Boss: We have incomplete data, so I'll need to use my intuition and experience to make the decision. Dilbert: Because magical thinking fixes ignorance? Boss: Hush! I think I have something. Dilbert: I think so, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #secret to success, #keeping things simple, #absolute, #realtive, #alternatives

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Boss: The secret to success is keeping things simple. Dilbert: Do you mean simple in an absolute sense or relative to the alternatives? Boss: It depends on the situation. Dilbert: Sounds complicated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2014's comic on:


Tags #clean mold, #refrogerator, #undelings, #winning, #testoterone, #priority

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Dilbert: I read that winning at anything boosts your testosterone. Boss: I need one of you underlings to clean the mold out of the office fridge. That's your top priority today. Wally: What's this "winning" I keep hearing about?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #correct data, #incorrect data, #interactions with boss, #questioning, #totally accurate, #desk, #computer, #office, #technology

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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #conversation, #plantkiller, #data, #kill plants, #office plants

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Alice: Hey, plantkiller, do you have the ata I asked for? Coworker: Plantkiller? Who calls me that? Alice: Everyone does. Your stories are so boring that you kill all office plants within earshot. Give me a hand signal when you're done. Coworker: This reminds me of the time I took the stairs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #achieved golas, #secret goals, #set for you, #failed to achieve, #anger, #exact situation

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Dilbert: I'm happy to report that I achieved every goal you set for me last year. Boss: But you failed to achieve the secret goals I set for you. Dilbert: Why would you have secret goals for me?!! Boss: For this exact situation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #balanced, #hiding in plain sight, #life balance, #rewarding work, #so genius, #work ethic, #secret to rewarding life, #learning secrets

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Wally: The secret to having a rewarding work-life balance is to have no life. Then it's easy to keep things balanced by doing no work. Asok: So simple, and yet, so genius. Wally: It was hiding in plain sight.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #wages, #big data, #top perfromers, #higher pay, #average performance, #average people say, #money

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Catbert: Our big data analysis tells us that only the top performers leave for higher pay. Since you're still here, it means your performance is average at best. Dilbert: That's not fair! Catbert: That's what all the average people say.