Train Support Staff Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dilbert says, "It's not right to use your tech support job to trick people into hurting themselves." Dogbert says, "I help people take their minds off of hopeless technical problems." Dilbert says, "How do you know a problem is hopeless?" Dogbert says, "Great. So now pessimism is a crime?"
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "The problem is in the part of your brain that handles intelligence." Dogbert says, "I can reboot you, but I won't lie: It's going to hurt." Dilbert says, "We need to talk." Dogbert says, "Are you near stairs?"
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "Email me a list of the things you already tried." Dogbert says, "I'll go down the list and make you try every single thing again, sometimes more than once." Dogbert says, "And take your time because I'm reading a really good book online."
Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."
Dogbert says, "I'm forming a support group for people who always make bad choices." Ratbert says, "Count me in!" Dogbert says, "Ratbert, I want you to organize the whole thing for me." Ratebrt says, "I'd like that, and I don't know why." Dogbert says, "I want everyone to wear uniforms and chant my name." Ratbert says, "Is it just me, or does this keep getting better?"
The Boss says, "I invited silent Gary to help us decide on a technology direction." The Boss says, "We think he's a genius because he has a beard and he never speaks." The Boss says, "Gary, do you think we should use open source software for our support platform?" The Boss says, "Here it comes. He's rubbing his beard and giving me creepy eye contact." THe Boss says, "I detect a slight hint of disgust. It means Gary hates the idea! The Boss says, "Yes, it's all so obvious now. This is the worst idea in the history of mankind." The Boss says, "THe meeting is over. Silent Gary has spoken." Dilbert says, "You're actually a moron, aren't you?" Gary says, "Don't ruin this for me."
Dilbert says, "Here's the mountain of facts that support my recommended technology strategy." Dilbert says, "And here's a tiny thimble that holds everything you know about technology. Maybe you could?" Dilbert says, "Leaders don't like it when you suggest they wear the thimble of knowledge like a little hat."
the boss says, "The company urges all of you to e-mail your congressman and support the bill that gives us pork projects." Dilbert says, "If that bill becomes law, it will, in effect, transfer my tax money to you executives for your next obscene bonuses." The Boss says, "Don't you own company stock in your retirement account?" Dilbert says, "No, I'm only dumb enough to work here."
The Boss says, "Today, we'll discuss ways to improve our workflow process." The Boss says ,"As you know, a good process is a substitute for good employees." The Boss says, "The ultimate goal is to simplify our processes so much?" The Boss says, "That we can train chickens to do your jobs in return for pellets." The Boss says, "We'll begin by discussing our process for funding new projects." The Boss says, "Could any part of our process be replaced by, for example, ringing a bell with your beak?" Alice says, "Yes, but only the part that you do." The Boss says, "There's a wrinkle in the plan." Chicken thinks, "Pellet"
Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."