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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #explaining, #work, #progress, #ridiculous, #lazy, #business

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Wally says, "I didn't do any work this week because my project will probably be cancelled in the next budget cuts." The boss says, "Wally, I don't pay you to do nothing." Wally says, "I'm pretty sure you do." Wally says, "But I understand your confusion." Wally says, "I too was surprised by the first few years of getting paid to do nothing." Wally says, "In time, doing nothing becasme its own sort of challenge." Wally says, "I'm like a ninja with no hopes and dreams." The boss says, "Wally, set up a meeting with me later." Wally says, "I'll get right on that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #lazy, #specific, #understand, #quibbled about methodology, #bought crickets, #wait for answer, #borrow crisckets

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The boss: Uh-oh. I don't understand a word of this. What did other people say about it? Dilbert: A few people quibbles about the methodology. The boss: Right, well, yes, the methodology does have a few issues. Dilbert: Can you be more specific? I brought some crickets to keep me company while I wait for your answer. chirp chirp chirp chirp Alice: I'm up next. Can I borrow the crickets? Dilbert: They're a little tired.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dismissive and insulting, #eduction, #experience needed, #insulting answer, #snake mittens, #rejected idea

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Man: What do you think of my idea? " Dilbert: It won't work. MAN: Why not?" Dilbert; Do you want the long answer that you won't understand because you possess neither the experience nor the education needed? Or the dismissive and insulting answer that has the advantage of being quick? Dilbert: Another advantage of the insulting answer is that you can tell people I rejected your idea because I didn't think of it myself. Man: I guess I'll take the insulting answer. Dilbert: Fine. Your idea is dumber than snake mittens. What do you have against snake mittens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #inmtern, #ceo, #powerpoint slides, #board of directors, #bonus, #luck, #tenuous connections, #hopeful

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The Boss: Our CEO didn't understand the powerpoint slides you made for him, so he asked the board of directors for a bonus. With any luck, the bonus will incent him to try harder to understand your slides. I'm getting better at finding tenuous connections to hope.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #board of directors, #underling, #powerpoint, #slides, #preoccupied, #day jobs, #mistresses, #bonus, #meeting, #ceo, #all in favor, #business

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CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #friday morning, #bagel friday, #separates us, #special, #bagels, #reward, #business

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The Boss: Wally, I need you to attend a meeting on Friday morning. But that is bagel Friday. It's the only thing that separates us from the animals. The Boss: You could get a bagel to go. Wally: It's as if you don't want to understand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #preventer of information services, #network changes, #on vacation, #3 weeks, #russian submarine, #arctic circle, #blank screen, #coincidence

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Mordac, The preventer of information services Mordac: "I made some changes to the network that I alone understand." "I didn't have time to test it, but if there is a problem, I'll be on vacation for three weeks in a Russian submarine below the Arctic circle." The Boss: "My screen just went blank." Mordac: "Let's chalk that up to coincidence."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #useless, #mit degree, #engineering, #easier, #raise

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The boss: "I don't understand anything you do, so I assume it's all useless." Dilbert: "Maybe you could go to M.I.T. and get a degree in engineering so you would understand what I do." The boss: "Would that be easier than not giving you a raise?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #dogcart for president, #decisons, #based on polls, #single thing, #called leadership

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Dogbert for president Dogbert: As president, I will not make decisions based on polls." "In fact, I won't give you a single thing that you want. That's called leadership." "I'll never understand why that works." Audience: "yay!" clap! clap! clap! clap! clap!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #changes, #pension plan, #company wide, #email, #read email, #compulsion, #details, #engineers, #brain, #best meeting, #humiliate boss, #called out

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The Boss: "I called this meeting to discuss the changes to the pension plan." Alice: "We already saw the company-wide e-mail about the changes." Dilbert: "And we're all engineers, so we understand the details better than you do." Alice: "I'll bet you intend to waste our time by reading the e-mail to us." ask: "You can't stop yourself. it's some sort of compulsion." Alice: "If you read that e-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." The Boss: "Can't...resist...reading...e-mail." "GAAA!!!" Alice & Dilbert: "Best meeting ever."