Won't Get Caught Comic Strips - Page 9

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451 Results for Won't Get Caught

View 81 - 90 results for won't get caught comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Get Caught" comics from Dilbert.com.

Offending The Janitor

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Offending The Janitor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags politically correct, offensive, language, misunderstanding

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Boss: Ted, I have to fire you because you said something that offended the janitor. Ted: What did I say?! Boss: I don't know. The janitor has a thick accent and he's terrible at charades. Elbonian 1: Did you take care of the buy who keeps putting banana peels in the recycling? Elbonian 2: He won't do it again.

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Wally Comes In Early

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Wally Comes In Early - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags schedule, hours, work, trick, deception, leaving early

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Wally: Can I come in an hour early tomorrow and leave early? Boss: Yeah, okay. Wally: How about five hours early? Boss: Um... sure. Wally: Let's say eight hours early and you won't even see me.

Not Knowing The Difference Monday

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Not Knowing The Difference Monday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, explanation, details, honesty

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Dilbert: Do you want the detailed analysis you won't understand... or the executive summary that is dangerously misleading? Boss: I want an executive summary that is not misleading. Dilbert: I'll count on you not knowing the difference.

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

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God Helps Those Who Help Themselves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, assistance, sayings, adage, divine intervention, laziness

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Man: Can you get me that data by Friday? Wally: They say "God helps those who help themselves." Man: So... you won't help? Wally: I'm waiting for you to go first. Man: And then you'll help? Wally: No, the order is you, then God, then me.

Wally Heads Up Ai Project

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Wally Heads Up Ai Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, project, fake

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Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.

Loud Howard And Tina Have A Romance

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Loud Howard And Tina Have A Romance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags romance, relationships, dating, secret, speaking, loud, shouting

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Loud Howard. Tina: We must keep our office romance a secret. Howard: I won't tell anyone about us, Tina!!!! Dilbert: You have a bad case of Loud Howard hair. But what does the extra spittle mean? Hmmm... Tina: Grrrr...

Ted Knows That Dilbert Knows

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Ted Knows That Dilbert Knows - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, bad advice, secret, gratitude

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Dilbert: Ted knows that I know something about his project. Now he won't stop hounding me. I don't know what to do. Wally: Try dousing him with coffee. Dilbert: Your advice is terrible. Wally: You're coming off as ungrateful.

Dilbert Gets Ready To Babysit

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Dilbert Gets Ready To Babysit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags parent, Parenting, babysitter, babysitting, children, listening, Family

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Dilbert: Is there anything I need to know before I babysit your kids tonight? Carol: They won't do anything you ask, and they don't respond to threats or consequences. Dilbert: So... what am I supposed to do? Carol: Try finding some idiot to babysit for you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags demands, bosses, unrealistic, frustration, outburst, catch-22, travel, air travel

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Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.

Humans Hold Domininion

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Humans Hold Domininion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temperature, humans, nature, thermostat, robots, technology, evolution, fragility

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Dilbert: My brain won't work when the office is warmer than 72. Carol: It has to be at least 74 or I'll freeze. Robot: What's it like to hold dominion over the Earth within a narrow band of temperatures that can't coexist? Dilbert: Was that a joke? Carol: I'm too cold to think?