Won't Get Caught Comic Strips - Page 9
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451 Results for Won't Get Caught
View 81 - 90 results for won't get caught comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Get Caught" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 19,
2016
Offending The Janitor
Tags politically correct, offensive, language, misunderstanding
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I have to fire you because you said something that offended the janitor. Ted: What did I say?! Boss: I don't know. The janitor has a thick accent and he's terrible at charades. Elbonian 1: Did you take care of the buy who keeps putting banana peels in the recycling? Elbonian 2: He won't do it again.
Friday November 18,
2016
Wally Comes In Early
Monday September 12,
2016
Not Knowing The Difference Monday
Tags managers, explanation, details, honesty
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you want the detailed analysis you won't understand... or the executive summary that is dangerously misleading? Boss: I want an executive summary that is not misleading. Dilbert: I'll count on you not knowing the difference.
Wednesday August 10,
2016
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
Tags help, assistance, sayings, adage, divine intervention, laziness
Transcript
Man: Can you get me that data by Friday? Wally: They say "God helps those who help themselves." Man: So... you won't help? Wally: I'm waiting for you to go first. Man: And then you'll help? Wally: No, the order is you, then God, then me.
Monday June 20,
2016
Wally Heads Up Ai Project
Tags work ethic, laziness, project, fake
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.
Monday May 09,
2016
Loud Howard And Tina Have A Romance
Thursday May 05,
2016
Ted Knows That Dilbert Knows
Tags Advice, bad advice, secret, gratitude
Transcript
Dilbert: Ted knows that I know something about his project. Now he won't stop hounding me. I don't know what to do. Wally: Try dousing him with coffee. Dilbert: Your advice is terrible. Wally: You're coming off as ungrateful.
Wednesday February 17,
2016
Dilbert Gets Ready To Babysit
Tags parent, Parenting, babysitter, babysitting, children, listening, Family
Transcript
Dilbert: Is there anything I need to know before I babysit your kids tonight? Carol: They won't do anything you ask, and they don't respond to threats or consequences. Dilbert: So... what am I supposed to do? Carol: Try finding some idiot to babysit for you.
Sunday February 07,
2016
Tags demands, bosses, unrealistic, frustration, outburst, catch-22, travel, air travel
Transcript
Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.
Thursday January 21,
2016
Humans Hold Domininion
Tags temperature, humans, nature, thermostat, robots, technology, evolution, fragility
Transcript
Dilbert: My brain won't work when the office is warmer than 72. Carol: It has to be at least 74 or I'll freeze. Robot: What's it like to hold dominion over the Earth within a narrow band of temperatures that can't coexist? Dilbert: Was that a joke? Carol: I'm too cold to think?