Wrong Cells Comic Strips - Page 9
315 Results for Wrong Cells
View 81 - 90 results for wrong cells comic strips. Discover the best "Wrong Cells" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 08, 2014's comic on:
Boss: You have a bad attitude lately. Alice: You made me work 70 hours this week. If you want people who work for free and are happy about it, hire the insane. Boss: I tried that, but I got the wrong kind. Alice: I'll whistle a happy tune if you go away.
Share June 19, 2014's comic on:
Man: I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement before we start. Wally: We don't need that because no one believes a word I say anyway. Man: Maybe I'm meeting with the wrong person. Wally: You're mighty judgy for a guy with so many secrets.
Share June 18, 2014's comic on:
Jeff had to prove everyone wrong. That will never work. It was like a reflex. He couldn't stop. That's the worst idea I have ever heard. This was his last day of life. Alice: You can't jump off the roof right now. Jeff: Uh-oh.
Share April 16, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Describe your biggest accomplishment from your last job. Interviewee: I made some phone calls and stuff. I think I made a difference. Boss: Do you want this job? Interviewee: Nah. Just lonely.
Share March 23, 2014's comic on:
Boss: You can't compare apples and oranges. Dilbert: That's clearly wrong because you just compared them and declared them different. Wally: Apples and oranges are both foods that grow on trees. It would be totally valid to compare them nutritionally. Dilbert: I've noticed that a lot of what comes out of your mouth makes no sense. Boss: You sound like my wife. Wally: You can't compare your wife to your subordinate. That's apples and oranges. Boss: What is happening here? Wally: I don't know, but I wouldn't compare it to work.
Share March 20, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Experts say managers should hire great people and set clear expectations. They don't say what to do when you get the first part wrong, but I'm leaning toward micromanaging. Alice: My employee engagement just went down. Boss: That was never a real thing.
Share January 05, 2014's comic on:
Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.
Share December 29, 2013's comic on:
Carol: You take everything wrong. Alice: What's that supposed to mean? Carol: For example, suppose I say you're photogenic. Alice: Are you saying I don't look good when you see me in person? Carol: There it was. Alice: There was what? Carol: It's the think you do to turn everything into a negative. Alice: Oh, so now I'm a monster. Is that what you're saying? Carol: Yes. Alice: Good. That's the vibe I'm going for. Carol: I'm just saying you're totally nailing it. Alice: Watch this! Grrrr!
Share December 11, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Did you vet this idea with your peers? Dilbert: They hated it. They also say you're incompetent and annoying, so how much can we really trust their opinion? Boss: It does sound as if they're wrong a lot. Dilbert: Exactly.
Share November 27, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Our Christmas party will be in January because December will be too busy. Wally: I'm sure the Almighty Creator of the Universe doesn't mind that we do things on your schedule, not his. What could go wrong? Dilbert: I hear thunder.