2005 Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, worst secretary, fired, involuntary termination form 904-b, fill out form

View Transcript

Transcript

"Carol, you're the worst secretary ever. I have to let you go." "You can't fire me until you fill out the Involuntary Termination Form 904-B." "Can you get me one of those?" "Yeah. I'll get right on that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trends are positive, crushing debt, moronic management, aging product line

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina writes the Annual Report All trends are positive. Footnote 5: Unless you consider our crushing debt, moronic management, and aging product line. "What font is this? It's so tiny." "Enron Beelzebub."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags our annual report, positive spin, poor results, stock plummenting, can't afford us

View Transcript

Transcript

"Tina, I want you to write our annual report." "How should I explain our poor results?" "Just give it a positive spin." "If you have to ask why our stock keeps plummeting, you can't afford us."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company values, question, action, results, twice as much, imagination, all over the map, soon and perfect

View Transcript

Transcript

Bias for Action Passion for Results "And these are our company values." "Please don't ask any questions." "Question!" "Do the results have to be good ones?" "Um...yes." "I'm not so sure. I think it would say that." "Since action and results are both important, is it okay to have bad results so long as it takes twice as much action?" "JUST DO EVERYTHING SOON AND PERFECTLY!!!" "Is it my imagination or is he all over the map on this?" "I forget what we were talking about."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ex employee, named ted, company policy, weather, moving lazily

View Transcript

Transcript

"Hi. I'm calling to check the references of your ex-employee named Ted." "We have a company policy against giving references. But I'd be happy to discuss the weather with you." "Okay." "The clouds are moving lazily across the sky, and everyone thinks they're stupid."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wites to website, eating toast, file open, stupidest question

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert writes a F.A.Q. for the company web site "Question 8: Why won't my file open when I'm eating toast?" "Answer 8: That is the stupidest question ever! Do not have children!" "I sure hope someone asks that question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags faq for wedsite, anticipate questions, questionaire

View Transcript

Transcript

I hired Mr. Dogbert to write the F.A.Q. for our web site. "The key is to anticipate our customers' most likely questions." "Question 1: Where does your CEO live? I need to know so I can throw your cruddy project through his biggest window."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags harpoon, ass, secretary, donut eating, remove, annual review

View Transcript

Transcript

"It's a harpoon. I see a lot of this." "It's caused by a combination of doughnut-eating and agitating a secretary." "Can you remove it?" "Yes, but it will just come back at Annual Review time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags no meetings, create work, canceled them, drop in

View Transcript

Transcript

"Carol, why don't I have any meetings today?" "Your meetings create work for me, so I canceled them." "Maybe I could drop in on some people." "Harpoon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss appt., cancel later, give appt, combing his knuckles

View Transcript

Transcript

"I need five minutes on the pointy-haired boss' calendar." "No can do." "If I give you an appointment, I'll just have to cancel it later when something more important comes up." "What's he doing now?" "Combing his knuckles."