2017 Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, haggle, trick, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, help, altruism, selfishness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, catch-22, argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't persuade my boss to let me take a class on how to negotiate. Asok: Try giving him logical reasons. He'll respond to that. Dilbert: And then I would be able to negotiate for a higher salary. Boss: Pass.

Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, catch-22, conference, training

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need your approval to take a class on negotiating. Boss: See if you can persuade me to approve it. Dilbert: I... don't know how to negotiate yet. Boss: That's the flaw in your plan.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags character, judging, prediction, reading, con

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm a good judge of people. Dilbert: Really? What am I thinking right now? Boss: Hmmm... You're wondering how you could be more like me. You admire my leadership, and you write about me in glowing terms in your diary. Dilbert: What diary? Boss: Shhh! I'm still reading you. You have no patience and you don't like to be judged. Dilbert: Okay, that's enough. Boss: Nailed it!

Fix It With Marketing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fix It With Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing, lying, ethics, advertising, deception, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our product has fewer features and a higher price compared to our competitors. Boss: We'll fix that with a little thing I call "marketing." Dilbert: Lying is unethical. Boss: That's why we only mislead.

Ceo Uses Dating App

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Ceo Uses Dating App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, app, technology, tinder, match, cheating, adultery, eskimo brothers, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I love this dating app. Wally: I thought you were married. CEO: I'm just looking. What's the worst thing that could happen? CEO: Hey, what's my wife doing on here? Wally: Your wife/?? That's my girlfriend!

Pictures Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pictures Lie  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags photos, truth, lying, deceit, photoshop, public relations, pr, appearances

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The public doesn't believe I really helped serve food at the homeless shelter. Dogbert: Tell them pictures don't lie. CEO: Pictures lie all the time. In fact, that's the best way to lie. Dogbert: Keep that insight to yourself. CEO: I have a full head of hair on Tinder.

Can We Borrow An Apron

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Can We Borrow An Apron  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pr, public relations, appearances, homeless, soup kitchen, shelter

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: We're here to get a photo of my client serving food to the homeless. Man: We don't need any help. Dogbert: In that case, can we borrow an apron and a spoon? Man: Um... I guess so. Dogbert: And can you wipe some gruel on the apron?

Dogbert The Pr Specialist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Pr Specialist  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags public relations, image, likeability, pr, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert the public relations specialist. Dogbert: The public hates you for all the right reasons. I'll repair your public image by photographing you serving meals in a homeless shelter. CEO: Is the public really that dumb? Dogbert: Yup. I'll have you out of there in two scoops and a click.