18 Hour Days Comic Strips - Page 9

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313 Results for 18 Hour Days

View 81 - 90 results for 18 hour days comic strips. Discover the best "18 Hour Days" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2007's comic on:


Tags #staff meeting, #take an hour, #skip meeting, #agree to die, #earlier, #deadness, #haunt boss, #agreement

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Wally: "Your staff meeting will take an hour of my life that I will never get back." "If you let me skip the meeting, I will agree, to die an hour earlier to make up the difference." Dilbert: "He agreed?" Wally: "Yes, and I'm going to use that extra hour of deadness to haunt hum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #400 per hour, #expensive, #ball rolling, #process using, #recommendations

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The Boss: Mister Dogbert has agreed to consult for $400 per hour. "I know it's expensive but you get what you pay for." "Let's get the ball rolling." "My first question is: what process will you be using to arrive at your recommendations?" Dogbert: "a..." "very...slow one..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2004's comic on:


Tags #tight budget, #colorful paper clips, #incoming email, #paid per hour, #watch, #meeting, #berate employee, #business

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"Yesterday, someone in this room gave me a document with a yellow paper clip." "I know that multicolored paper clips look 'pretty.'" "But I remind you that we are on a tight budget!" "We can't be throwing away all our money on colorful paper clips." "Do I make myself clear?!!" "I salvaged that paper clip from incoming mail." "Now excuse me while I stare at my watch and wonder how much you're paid per hour." "I'm sure you've done inefficient things that I don't know about." "Two minutes is... $5."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #charging hours to project, #one meeting, #one hour, #extensive preparation, #evaluated, #57 hours, #sat quiet, #charging

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"Wally, why have you been charging all of your hours to my project?" "I invited you to one meeting. It lasted one hour." "Do you think I would go to a meeting without extensive preparation?" "Okay.. that's another hour." "How many more do you need explained?" "Fifty-eight." "After the meeting, I sat quietly and evaluated what everyone said. That took fity-seven hours." "Ha! You're still an hour short. Explain THAT!" "Do you mind if I sit quietly and think about that question for a while?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #netwrok security, #buggy, #complicated, #user guide, #pure evil, #tech support dept, #chimp with typewriter, #strategy, #victims, #hair quiver, #consultants, #paid by hour

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Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #keeper of giant binder, #secret technology, #never leave office, #no drawer, #no desk, #use as tiny bed, #rest of days, #trade show binder

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Alice: "Asok, I designate you the keeper of the giant binder." "It contains our secret technology plans." "It can never leave this office." "It won't fit in any drawer." "And the 'clean desk policy' forbids me from leaving it on my desktop." "GAAA!! I can't take it home, and I can't leave it here!" "I must use it as a tiny bed and spend the rest of my days guarding it." Dilbert: "What did you do with the giant binder prop that you got at the trade show?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2003's comic on:


Tags #boosting prformance, #vacation days, #use all, #recahrged, #issed days, #copeantetive advantage, #retirement, #return, #15 year vacation, #20 years in minutes

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"I have an idea for boosting my performance." "You wisely coached us to use all of our vacation days every year." "Because we come back recharged!" "Our renewed motivation is more than enough to compensate for ths missed days." "My plan is to leverage that competitive advantage." "I'll take a fifteen year vacation and return ten minutes before retirement." "Then I'll be so recharged that I'll pounce and do twenty years of work in minutes!!" "Unless it's near a holiday, in which case, do you mind if I leave early?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #birthday, #mothers birthday, #warp up present, #an hour later, #throwing towel, #element of suprise, #no waste paper, #cookies

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In the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "I've been thinking about your birthday, Mom." His mother says, "How sweet." Dilbert says to his mother, "It seems so inefficient to wrap up your present." As they carry milk and cookies out of the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "You'll just rip up the wrapping paper an hour later." As his mother sets the cookies down, Dilbert says to her, "So I was thinking of throwing a towel over it instead." Dilbert says to his mother, "You'd get all of the element of surprise without wasting paper." Dilbert says to his mother, "Maybe I can use one of your towels so I don't have to lug one from my house." Dilbert's mom says, "Of course, dear. I wouldn't want you to lug a big heavy towel just for me." Dilbert reaches for a cookie and says, "Good. It's settled." His mother says to him, "Those aren't for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #stress, #vacations, #unlimited vacation days, #torpedo career, #source of stress, #set up, #manipulate

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: We're jumping on the fad of giving employees unlimited vacation days. The only gating factor will be the knowledge that taking any time off whatsoever will torpedo your career. Alice: So... now our vacations will be a source of stress? Catbert: Only as much as you want. It's totally up to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #vacations, #work ethic, #unlimited vacation policy, #200 days off, #double productivity, #no way to measure

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Wally: I'm planning to take advantage of our new unlimited vacation policy. I'll be gone for two hundred days in the coming year. And I guarantee I will still double my productivity compared to the prior year. Boss: There's no way to measure productivity for engineers. Wally: Good to know.