Security Comic Strips - Page 9
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Character
114 Results for Security
View 81 - 90 results for Security comic strips. Discover the best "Security" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 22,
1996
Tags #use speakerphone, #voice mail, #speaker phone, #inconsiderate, #too stupid, #annoying, #bob dinsoaur, #wedgie, #service elevator, #look on face, #way they yell, #philiosphers
Transcript
A man sits in his cubicle thinking, "It's time to use my speakerphone to do voice mail." The man thinks, "I can't remember if I use the speakerphone because I'm inconsiderate or because I'm too stupid to know how annoying it is." The man thinks, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers." The man screams, "Hi. Thanks for the information. Talk to you later!!!" The man shouts, "Did I tell you about my cyst?" Dilbert hears the man yelling and sends an e-mail message that says, "Dogbert, send Bob the Dinosaur quickly!" Bob says to the building security officer, "I'm here to deliver a wedgie." The man replies, "Use the service elevator." Dilbert sits at his desk humming while the man next to him screams as Bob gives him a wedgie. Dilbert presses the elevator button and asks Bob, "What's the best part - the look on their faces or the way they yell?" Bob replies, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers."
Wednesday October 27,
1999
Tags #job secuirty, #be an engineer, #takes all day, #get in on scam
Transcript
Tina says to Alice, at Alice's cubicle, "Alice, I need a career that has job security." Tina says, "Teach me to be an engineer. I don't care if it takes all day." Tina says, "But don't tell anyone; they'll all try to get in on this scam." Alice makes a funny face.
Monday February 07,
2000
Tags #website, #business case, #web productivity commitee, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert tells the Boss who is sitting behind his desk: "I need to see a web site that's blocked by our I.S. Group." The Boss replies: "Submit a business case to the Web Productivity and Security Committee." A snail approaches Dilbert while he is typing at his terminal and says to him: "Hey, bro, where's your shell? This ain't casual day."
Monday December 23,
2002
Tags #work out, #company gym, #jim the guard, #exhausting, #cow, #milk, #hamburgers
Transcript
Alice is in exercise clothes. She approaches Tina and says, "Come work out with me." Tina responds, "We don't have a company gym." Alice says, "Try having a conversation with Jim the Security Guard: It's totally exhausting!" Alice is at the security desk. Jim finishes, "... But a cow is not entirely full of milk; some of it is hamburgers!"
Wednesday February 12,
2003
Tags #evil hr director, #hire, #job interview, #urine sample, #social secuirty, #past emplyers, #past lovers, #despicable
Transcript
Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to an interviewee, "I need to check a few things before we hire you." Catbert continues, "Give me blood, hair and urine samples, fingerprints, social- security number, past employers, and past lovers." The Boss and Catbert are meeting. The Boss is looking over the interviewee's records. The Boss asks, "Before we started doing all of this checking, did you know that everyone in the world was despicable?" Catbert replies, "Yes."
Thursday July 31,
2003
Tags #criticize things, #dont understnd, #kyoto treaty, #flat tax, #unfair, #stem cells
Transcript
Dogbert: I've decided to spend more time criticizing things I don't understand. I say we should flat-tax the kyoto treaty all the way back to the security council, Dilbert: wouldn't that be unfair to stem cells? Dogbert: Bah!
Saturday February 07,
2004
Tags #send threatening emails, #train new guy, #easily downsize later, #boss threatens alice, #job security, #male, #female, #training, #alices bad advice
Transcript
The Boss: "Alice, I want you to train Ned to do everything you do." "Don't worry that it will make you redundant more easily downsizeable." Alice: "I like to start each day by sending threatening e-mail to the board of directors."
Wednesday August 01,
2012
Tags #computers & peripherals, #intelligence agencies, #national security, #unnamed government agency, #shadowy guy, #create computer virus, #elbonian missile factories
Transcript
Loud Howard: This shadowy guy is from an unnamed government agency!!! He wants us to create a computer virus to attach Elbonian missile factories!!! Dilbert: Is he from our government, Loud Howard? Loud Howard: Is that important?
Saturday September 11,
2004
Tags #security guard, #company owned assets, #under clothes, #smuggled out, #pilferage
Transcript
whoa! whoa! where do you think you're going? you look bloated today as if you have company -owned assets under your clothes. I need to stop relying on my instincts.
Tuesday August 02,
2005
Tags #mordac, #preventer of information, #screen saver, #modified, #seconds of inactivity, #head bobbing bird
Transcript
"I am Mordac, the preventer of information technology. I have modified your screensaver security to lock up after two seconds of inactivity." "Ha ha! Unless you touch the keyboard every two seconds you will be forced to log-in again!" "Dang you perpetually moving head-bobbing bird! Gaaa!!!"