Adopting Best Practices Comic Strips - Page 9

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293 Results for Adopting Best Practices

View 81 - 90 results for adopting best practices comic strips. Discover the best "Adopting Best Practices" comics from Dilbert.com.

Magazine Article

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Magazine Article - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #publication, #salesman, #advertisement, #best, #company, #decision

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magazine salesman: our publication is considering naming your company one of the best places to work. on a totally unrelated topic, our sales team will be contacting you about buying lots and lots of advertisements. boss: and if we don't? magazine salesman: who would want to work at a company that makes such bad decisions?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boats, #business ethics, #new boat, #engineers, #skills, #boss's boat, #picture, #nautical interests

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Boss: Who wants to see a picture of my new boat? Dilbert: That's a very good question. If we consider the fact that we work much harder than he does... Carol: And we have valuable engineering skills, whereas he can't operate the GPS in his SUV... and for some reason we don't get paid enough to buy impressive boats. Dilbert: And we have no nautical interests whatsoever. I think your best bet is people who don't know you. Man: And you are? Boss: This only works if we don't get too familiar.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #contracts, #relations between the sexes, #Women, #ignorantly signed, #legal strategy, #affadavit, #attractive women, #have cooties

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Man says, "The contract that you ignorantly signed gives them the right to harvest your organs." Man says, "Your best legal strategy is to get sworn affidavits from attractive women saying you have cooties." Woman says, "Heck yes, I'll sign it." Dilbert says, "I was hoping this would be harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #air travel, #cash payment, #college freind, #cost & standard of living, #expensive, #friendship, #relationships

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Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #friendship, #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #shoulder holder, #jealousy is attractive, #relationships

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Dilbert: I invented a shoulder holder for my phone. I felt bad keeping my best friend in my pocket. Jealousy in not attractive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #internet & world wide web, #black hat, #websites ranking, #search engine, #unethical, #near certainty, #loserish, #talking

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Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #magic, #supernatural practices, #sacred dance, #cucbicle, #useful by comparison

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Dilbert: It is time for the sacred dance of the cubicle. Hi-aw-ah-hee hu-ha-ya-ya wa-ha-ya-yi. That should make everything I do today seem useful by comparison.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #standards meeting., #represent interests, #create standards, #mutually exclusive prefrences, #laughs

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Standards Meeting. Dogbert: Each of you has been chosen to represent the interests of your respective companies. As you know, the best way to create standards is to mash together a bunch of mutually exclusive preferences. I hope I'm not the only one who joined this group just for the laughs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #taxes, #sociopth, #victimless crime, #insider information, #hedge fund, #split profit, #tax people

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Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #thinking, #creative, #teacher, #business card, #ideationista, #education

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Boss: I hired Ken to teach us how to be more creative. According to his business card, his title is "ideationista." Ken: That was some of my best work.