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Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm off to Elbonia, the land of waist-deep mud and misogyny." Wally leans back in his chair and says, "On the plus side, you can kick people and blame it on the mud weasels." Alice stands in the mud with a couple of Elbonians. One says, "What's wrong, Yugi? One second you are comlimenting this chick, next second screaming." Alice says, "Mud weasel." Yugi is doubled over in pain.
Dilbert chuckles, "Heh heh. Ed is barely out of the door and I got his old computer." Wally says, "The scavenging was a good today." Wally and Dilbert carry off their new possessions. Wally says, "Alice is going to be miffed that she's too late for the good stuff." They run into Alice whos holds a pair of pants and her hair has been imprinted flat on the side. Alice says, "it wasn't easy. He's already made it to the bus."
The Boss and Alice sitting at table. The Boss says, "Alice, I checked with the other managers; they don't know you well enough to promote you." The Boss continues, "So we've decided to hire someone from outside the company." Alice is stunned. As Alice exits the room, she says, "At least the other managers have heard my name now." The Boss replies, "I didn't use your real name."
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert sits behind a desk, a women sits on the other side. The woman says, "I'm grossly underpaid for the type of work I do now." Catbert says, "Write a description of your current duties. I'll be happy to do a compensation review." Caption: Based on a true story. Catbert says, "Sadly, it appears you're not qualified for your own job. But one of your subordinates is." Woman's eyes widen.
Catbert sits at a desk. A man sits on the other side. Catbert says, "You've been a great temporary employee. Would you like to be a permanent one?" The man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha!!! You simple fool!!!" The man says, "What was that?" Catbert, "That was your employee orientation program."
Ann sits in a meeting with Dilbert and Wally. Ann says, "I must warn you, I'm one of those women who like to curse at work." Ann turns to Asok and screams several obscenities. Asok's tie and hair fly back in a stiff wind. Ann says, "That was my warm up." Asok says, "My ears fell off!!" Asok looks at the conference table where an ear lays on other side of his paper.
Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."
Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."
Catbert stands at his desk. He says, "Hee hee! This is my most diabolical work yet as director of human resources." Catbert continues, "Thanks to e-mail I can play with hundreds of employees at once!" Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Uh-oh . . . A message from the evil Mister Catbert." The message says, "In order to reduce our janitorial expenses . . ." Alice thinks, "That's a phrase you don't want to see." Wally reads, "Every engineer will be required to strap a broom to his or her . . ." Wally walks down the hall with a broom attached to his back. Wally and Dilbert stand outside a conference room. Wally says to Dilbert, "On the positive side, marketing invites us to a lot more meetings now." A man inside the room says, "Five minutes; we're still eating cookies."
Dilbert and his mother stand in the kitchen. Dilbert asks, "What do you want for your birthday this year, Mom?" Dilbert's mother replies, "Oh, nothing. I have everything I need." Dilbert says, "Oh, c'mon. There must be something you want." His mother replies, "Well, one thing, but it's silly." They sit in chairs. Dilbert says, "You just name it." His mom replies, "Okay." Dilbert's mother says, "I'd like a home entertainment theatre with a fifty-inch screen, 'Thx' Surround Sound and a 600 KBPS satellite link to the Net so I can view adult pictures during the commercials." Dilbert replies, "I was thinking more along the lines of a new toaster oven." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, that's exciting. I'll put it next to my other one and watch them fight it out." Dilbert says, "There's a real dark side to the information age." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, and about the gift of life I gave you; you're welcome."