Barely Knew Comic Strips - Page 9
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108 Results for Barely Knew
View 81 - 90 results for barely knew comic strips. Discover the best "Barely Knew" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 12,
2015
Boss's Charisma Inspires Wally
Tags #technology, #text, #texting, #distraction, #shout, #diversion, #charm, #excitement, #cheer
Transcript
Boss: (types on his phone). Wally: Go team! Can you turn down your charisma? I can barely sit still over here.
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Sunday April 24,
2016
Tags #time, #freedom, #free will, #schedule, #work load, #stress, #free time, #breaks, #lunch
Transcript
Boss: Schedule your training during your lunch hours so it doesn't impact your projects. Dilbert: But... my lunch hour is the only freedom I experience in a typical day. The rest of my time is either scheduled to the minute or driven by whatever crisis is happening. Please don't take my lunch hour and reduce me to nothing but a prisoner in a digital chain gang. I'm barely clinging to my illusion of free will as it is. This could push me over the edge. If you take away my one hour of freedom in the day, I might as well be a robot. Boss: Relax. This is temporary. Dilbert: For how long? Boss: Until I can replace you with a robot.
Tuesday May 31,
2016
Political Opinions Only Make It Worse
Tags #intelligence, #speaking, #conversation, #Politics
Transcript
Man: Did you watch any of the debates? Dilbert: Stop right there. I'm barely clinging to the illusion that you're competent at your job. Don't talk about politics or it will only get worse. Man: Did you know China caused climate change by hogging the sun? Dilbert: And there it is.
Wednesday June 08,
2016
Dilbert Cheats On His Work Wife
Tags #work, #wife, #wives, #adultery, #cheating, #criticism, #nagging, #anger, #marriage, #roles, #relationships
Transcript
Alice: There' s rumor that you're cheating on me with another "work wife." Dilbert: I let Tina criticize me a little. But I swear it didn't mean anything. And... she makes me look for her lost keys. Alice: I knew it!
Saturday August 20,
2016
Dilbert Is Barely Trying
Tags #jobs, #progress, #problems, #expectations
Transcript
Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.
Wednesday December 21,
2016
Won't Take No For An Answer
Tags #deadline, #honesty, #trick, #rejection
Transcript
Boss: Can you finish this by Friday? I won't take no for an answer. Dilbert: In that case, my answer is yes. Boss: I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. Dilbert: I think we just planned that for Friday.
Tuesday May 09,
2017
Robot Attacks Boss
Tags #machines, #computers, #fighting, #violence, #programming, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Our robot viciously attacked me. I was barely able to fight him off. You know what you need to do. Dilbert: I'm programming you to fight better. Robot: Thanks. I'm not a good finisher.
Sunday June 25,
2017
Tags #time machine, #time travel, #experiment, #algorithm, #planning, #mistake, #error, #science
Transcript
Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.
Sunday November 05,
2017
Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices
Transcript
Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?
Wednesday February 07,
2018
Wally Finds Critical Bug
Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick
Transcript
Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.