Boss's Boat Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Boss, I have an idea." The Boss gasps. The Boss jumps up and says, "Quick! Close the blinds! I'll get the door!" The Boss shouts, "You fool! If anybody heard you, we're both dead!" The Boss continues, "Don't you realize that ideas are just targets for other power-hungry managers?!!" The Boss continues, "I've based my entire career on shooting down other people's ideas." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert picks it up and says, "The note says, 'We know you have an idea in there. Give it up.'" Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dogbert asks, "How was work?" Dilbert replies, "Same ol' same ol'."
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You submitted the lowest bid to run our new technical support hotline, Mister Dogbert." The Boss continues, "The other bidders would love to know how you plan to handle twelve thousand calls a day by yourself." Dogbert replies, "Tell them to call me."
Alice asks the Boss, "Why is it that the people with the least need for storage space have the biggest offices?" Alice stands in the door to the Boss's office and says, "I know! You're using your office as kind of a living monument to inefficiency!" The Boss asks, "Is this because I wouldn't let you get a file cabinet?" Alice asks, "Where would I put it? My cubicle is full of stacks of proprietary documents."
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss hands him a document and says, "Add an executive summary to the approval page." The Boss continues, "Keep it simple. Our executives don't understand as much about technology as I do." Dilbert asks, "How could they know less than you do? You haven't figured out how to make your car go uphill." The Boss replies, "Wrong; I got AAA road service."
Wally and Dilbert stand with the Boss. Dilbert says, "Wally and I came up with a great new product idea!" A voice says over an intercom, "Inspiration alert in effect!!" Another voice says, "Danger! New idea!" An arm extends down and drops a metal casing onto the Boss's head. The intercom says, "State your idea now." There is a large mallet poised over Dilbert's head that has written on it, "Crush-O-Matic." Dilbert says to Wally, "Um, you tell him."
Wally and Dilbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Wally and I started our own company. We're selling the product that you said nobody wants." Wally adds, "Soon we will be rich." As they dance around the office, Dilbert says, "We do our victory jig in your face." Wally says, "Ba-bum" as the shakes back and forth. Wally and Dilbert are sobbing in the hallway. Alice asks, "When he showed you your employment agreement - where you gave all patent rights to this company - what part of the jig were you doing?" Dilbert replies, "Turbo mooning."
The caption says, "Performance Review." Tina the Tech Writer sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your main accomplishment was the department newsletter which was both uninteresting and unimportant. You get no raise." Tina looks shocked and says, "The newsletter was YOUR idea, and it's boring because most of the articles are contributed by my idiotic co-workers." The Boss says, "You don't seem to understand the value of teamwork." Tina replies, "I understand its value; it just cost me a two-percent raise."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Asok the Intern sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that 40% of your sick days are on Fridays and Mondays. This is unacceptable." Asok throws his head back and shouts, "Ha ha ha!!! That's a good one!!!" Asok sees the serious look on the Boss's face. He turns to Dilbert and Wally and says, "Please tell me he was kidding." Wally says, "Welcome to hell, kid."
Dogbert, who is wearing a wizard's hat, stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I can make your employees more creative and spiritually fulfilled." Dogbert continues, "I use my special blend of poetry and dance to touch their souls." The Boss says, "Okay. You're hired." Dogbert stands on a desk and dances while Alice, Wally and Dilbert watch. Dogbert recites, "There once was a dog with a hat . . . Who got paid to dance like that . . ." Wally says, "Hey! My soul just healed!"