Business People Comic Strips - Page 9
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1000 Results for Business People
View 81 - 90 results for business people comic strips. Discover the best "Business People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday May 26,
2011
Tags blaming, quarreling, work independantly, close eyes, fall back, better than other people
Transcript
Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to work independently. In this exercise, I want you to put your arms at you side, close your eyes, and fall backward. Noise: Thud thud thud. Dogbert: And it's still better than working with other people.
Sunday July 10,
2011
Tags anger, quarreling, mastered art, being useless, next level, toxic, toxic people, complain, personal problems
Transcript
Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.
Sunday August 14,
2011
Tags business ethics, research facilities, work home, 2 days, twice as prodcutive, elaborate science experiment, commute to sit in box, control group, frustration
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I work at home for two days per week? I can be twice as productive, and happier at the same time. Boss: I probably shouldn't tell you this... but you're part of an elaborate science experiment to see how much frustrations it takes to kill employees. Why else would the company make you commute for two hours a day just to sit in a tiny box? Don't feel bad: no one told me either. I had to piece it together from the evidence. Now I do my part to keep the experiment moving along. Dilbert: Other people work from home. Boss: Are you referring to the control group?
Sunday September 11,
2011
Tags employees, unemployed, job performance, fire someone, cubicle, fired, wake up call, greatness, business
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!
Friday October 07,
2011
Tags inventions, thinking, creative, teacher, business card, ideationista, education
Transcript
Boss: I hired Ken to teach us how to be more creative. According to his business card, his title is "ideationista." Ken: That was some of my best work.
Saturday November 05,
2011
Tags embarrassment, obliviousness, hired consultant, less confident, overconfident people, don't recognize mistakes, didn't know studies, feel like idiot
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.
Tuesday December 13,
2011
Tags big business, secondhand sales, tablet computer, business, design logo, pay another company, other companies, watch, engineers, degrade, low morale
Transcript
Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?
Thursday January 05,
2012
Tags smart people, bad deciosns, hubris, prime candidate
Transcript
Boss: I've read that smart people make bad decisions because of their hubris. Catbert: Hubris? What is that? Boss: Beats me. But obviously I'm a prime candidate to get it.
Tuesday January 17,
2012
Tags actions & defenses, billion dollars, business ethics, golden key, rich people, top 1%, flying unicorn
Transcript
Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.
Wednesday January 25,
2012
Tags business ethics, criticize, enjoy anticipation, fighting, incented, staff meeting
Transcript
Boss: I'm waiting for people to walk by so I can criticize you in front of others. Dilbert: What? Boss: I want the criticism to sting as much as possible so you'll be incented to do all the right things in the future. I guess it can wait until the staff meeting. Dilbert: That way I can enjoy the anticipation, too.


