Buy Put Options Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for buy put options comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Put Options" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #new software product, #google, #created product, #free, #buy in

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Boss: And we're going to bet the company on our new software product. Dilbert: While you were talking, Google created that product, gave it away for free, and killed it for lack of interest. Wally: Is it too soon to take back my fake buy-in?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flatten hair, #important document, #option, #put on head happy, #unique filing, #clutter

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Dilbert: Where can I put this important document so it won't get lost in your desk clutter? Carol: I'll flatten my hair so you can leave it on top of my head. Are you happy? Dilbert: I didn't know happy was an option."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart the ceo, #start rumors, #spread lies, #stock pop up, #stock options, #steal, #before computers

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert thinks, "Start some rumors, spread some lies..." Dogbert says, "Wait for the stock to pop up... exercise my stock options... bang!" Dogbert thinks, "How did people steal before computers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stepping down, #ceo, #money stolen, #hellhole, #huge bag of cash, #helicopter, #writes book, #buy book

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Dogbert says, "I am stepping down as CEO so I can spend more time with this money I stole from this hellhole." Dogbert says, "I need you and you to carry huge bags of cash to my helicopter." Wally says, "The worst part is that if he ever writes a book, I'll probably buy it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #math, #project, #fail, #disaster, #embarrassed, #act dumb, #cancel, #buy, #question, #demonstrate, #hands up, #education, #business

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Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lab coat, #invention, #scan, #brain, #predict, #buy, #kill, #suspicious, #microwave, #smoke out of ears, #rays

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Dilbert says, "My invention can scan a person's brain and predict his buying decisions." Dilbert says, "It says you plan to buy? a blunt object so you can kill me and claim credit for my invention." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, which is why I included a feature to microwave the offending part of your brain." FERT!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eat lunch, #front, #rich, #book deal, #pirate, #illegal, #buy

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Asok says, "Soon my book of pointy-haired boss quotes will be published and I will be rich." Wally says, "It sounds great. I can't wait to get my pirated copy." Asok says, "Or you could buy it." Dilbert says, "I thought you said it was a book."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #selling, #failure, #winning: models, #product, #options

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Asok says, "Our product comes with 27 moedels with over 9,000 options." Dilbert says, "Given my limited time to study the options, you have guaranteed that I will make a sub-optimal choice." Dilbert says, "Thanks for making me a failure." Asok says, Well it's not really "selling" if we both win."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #lying, #work ethic, #wasting time options, #two options, #truth or lie, #pin blame, #faster to hear lie, #document is perfect, #assign balme, #later say misinterpreted

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Woman says, "Dilbert, your boss asked me to get your input on this." Dilbert says, "Absolutely, Ruth." Dilbert says, "We have two options for wasting our time here." Dilbert says, "Option one: I could tell you all of the things you should change, and you could ignore me as usual." Dilbert says, "Option two: I could lie, and tell you that everything is perfect." Woman says, "I prefer the lie. That way I can pin some blame on you if things go bad." Dilbert says, "Excellent choice. It's faster, and I can later say I was misinterpreted." Dilbert says, "Okay then, I declare that your document is perfect, under a certain set of assumptions that I won't list." The Boss says, "Did you help Ruth?" Dilbert says, "I'll say yes, but it's sort of a gray area."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #class, #expenses, #money, #options, #fire, #stupid, #dog, #animals

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Dilbert says, "I need this class to update my skills. Will you approve the expense?" The Boss says, "Where's the analysis of alternatives?" Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "When you ask for funding, you need to tell me what my options are." Dilbert says, "Well, okay. That seems logical." Dilbert says, "Option two. Do nothing while I become increasingly unqualified for my job." Dilbert says, "Option three: replace me with someone younger who earns less than I do and already has the skills." Dilbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "Options are only good when other people don't have them."